Atlantic City Mobsters Issue Warning
By Sonny Red

Suave Atlantic City mobster Drexler has issued a warning to the rest of the country today. He has offered his families protection, ‘The Regulators’ of Atlantic City, to thugs and hoodlums from across the nation. The move comes as he states that the number of murders has soared in recent weeks, something he will not put up with, but it has also been reported that he has recently lost a close friend, one of whom was unaffiliated with any of the current crime families.

Drexler states that anyone seen or found making hits without Atlantic City’s consent or without very good reason will answer to him. Drexler also claims that he will be keeping a very close eye on the situation over the coming days. He was backed by his business partner Ghostman, while addressing the other family heads. It is clear that Atlantic City certainly have the power and presence above others to not only issue the warnings but also enforce it should it come down to it. However, it is unclear how the countries criminal underworld will cope with the rise in thugs and hoodlums allowed to go about their business, seemingly untouchable and answering to no-one. Could a new crime wave about to be on the horizon? Only time will tell.

San Francisco Cops Crack Down
By Chuck Barry

San Francisco Police Chief Donnelly O’Reagan made a dramatic statement last night in his war against the ever growing San Francisco drug scene. He has issued a stern warning to the current booming cocaine scene that the back alleys of San Francisco are currently experiencing.

“Over the last few weeks, the rise in drug related crime has tripled, almost quadrupled in our fair city of San Francisco. The Colombian marching powder cocaine is being shipped in right under our noses and sold on the streets and back alleys of our city. We will not see this city be labelled as the drug capital of the world!” Declared Chief O’Reagan.

Standing out front of the San Francisco Police Department, he continued “Let it be known that we will be stepping up our campaign with operation ‘White Nose’. A project hell-bent on finding and eradicating those that use and deal within the drug empire. We are stepping up our presence at the airports and train stations in a bid to clamp down on the import and export of narcotics, in particular, blow, snow, crack; however you want to describe the drug that is cocaine.”

Newly appointed Chief of Police O’Reagan found himself at the centre of a scandal only last week, when an undercover reporter claimed that O’Reagan himself was spotted at a motel room just outside of Reno with several leather clad hookers, a donkey and a large quantity of cocaine. When asked about the story Chief O’Reagan replied, “No Comment.”

Reno, Twice!
By Hank Tuborg

Reno family head and all round good guy, Mr Phenom has tightened his grip on the criminal activities of his city this week, by installing a second family in the city of Reno. Head of the ever growing crime organization known as ‘Gli Artisti Crime’, Mr Phenom has decided it’s time to expand.

The city known as ‘The Biggest Little City In The World’ will now house two families, although both branches of the same one. Felicity, former right hand man to Mr Phenom, has been chosen to run downtown Reno, with her own outfit ‘La Mafia del Rossetto’. This can only mean more revenue for the popular Mr Phenom and a bright future for the city of Reno.

Felicity has yet to signal her purpose of intent or outline the rules that she will be putting in place for downtown Reno. Although she has come out publically to state that she is heading up the outfit and spoke of her history, we are sure there will be more to come from her. Only time will tell if Felicity is the right woman for the job.

Leading by Example
By Victoria Beckett

We've turned over a new leaf and have a new way of doing things thanks to the Gods, but do those things include showing respect for the deceased? According to some leader's final words to others, it appears not.

The last week has shown several of our men in bold going to a funeral and saying rude or offensive things in regards to the people who have died. It has been a great discussion over the years as to respect for the dead, and yet here are your leaders, verbally pissing on graves.

Mr. J was seen saying things such as, " Wanker is a word made for you."

Ghostman was overheard telling a corpse, " You're not welcome around here.." just after visiting another funeral and calling the deceased "Pathetic."

While even Drexler, who is the on again off again leader said, " Keep'em coming....Twat." to someone's body as they laid there for people to pay their respects.

Is this how people should conduct themselves? By disrespecting those who are already dead and have nothing left to lose? Does it make these leaders appear more "Bad ass" by saying rude things?

Send your thoughts on the subject to the Cooter Times editor, Cooter, and if we use your response in next week's paper you could earn some cash!

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