The Mafia Gazette Issue 169
For All The News That Is News
Thursday 14th January


FIRST GODFATHER REIGNS SUPREME

The first Godfather stepped out to very little applause or adulation, since none were here to trumpet the news to the community. The news filtered through however and by close of play, the first Godfather to grace these shores was receiving congratulations by the score.

Godfather Ronin of the Las Vegas Kempeitai held a lavish retirement party as he stepped away from the working life as the head of his family and into his new role in the community. Champagne flowed freely and caviar had been specially flown in for the occasion. Speeches were made by many, and voices were raised in congratulations to the Godfather.

Mr Ronin’s not-so-small shoes have been filled by his successor, Mr Nino Salerno who announced the changeover publicly last week. His takeover as Boss of the Kempeitai was met with a large amount of support, and we at the Gazette wish him well in his new role as family head.

We hope to bring you a full interview with the Godfather in the near future, and would like to take this moment to express our heartfelt good wishes and congratulations from the Mafia Gazette to our wonderful new Godfather Ronin.


GAZETTE RETURNS TO STREETS

In a bold move, the Mafia Gazette has taken up residence again at its Chicago offices, long disused since the previous heyday of the paper. The editor, Ms Tallulah Giunta took possession of the building very recently and has worked tirelessly to bring your newspaper back to the community.

Many people have already stopped by the offices to wish the newspaper well in it’s new endeavour to bring the stories from the streets to your breakfast tables across the country, and there has already been some interest from the community leaders in the renewed project.

Your newspaper will stay as impartial as possible, and as discreet as possible too, keeping out from under the noses of the Feds as usual. It has been one of the abiding tenets of the Gazette that the news remains completely within the sphere and scope of the Mafia and its associates and is proud to boast that none of the reporters or previous editors has ever squealed to the cops.

With the return of the Gazette, we hope to see a return of interest in the streets and a return to the heady days when the newspaper was at its height.


MCMURPHY MONEY CAUSES MAYHEM

In a recent show of generosity, Mr Randle McMurphy offered the sum of thirty million dollars to the community. His aim was simple amusement and many turned out in a bid to secure the wealth. A contest was announced and there were a few entrants vying for the coveted suitcase of used notes.

After deliberating over the various acts and pleadings, Mr McMurphy could not decide on a worthy winner. Songsters, supplicants and soft-shoe-shufflers alike waited for the winner to be announced, however Mr McMurphy announced that the contest couldn’t be won outright by any of the acts, and offered the money to the most able and light-fingered among the crowd. He stipulated a time that the money would be in his possession and set about arranging the transfer of funds to his person with the banks.

His plan went awry however with the intervention of a Mr Krazy-train who decided to kidnap Mr McMurphy in a bid to relieve him of his fortune before others could try their pick pocketing skills. The kidnapping only netted him Mr McMurphy’s twin pistols however, and this prompted the generous donor of the fortune to withhold the money until they were returned. A further kidnap attempt saw Mr McMurphy distributing his fortune in two equal halves to two unknown random incumbents of the city Mr McMurphy was in at the time. to prevent further pilfering by the Los Angeles Priesthood member.

We hope this display of largesse will be seen to be a positive move on the part of Mr McMurphy who has offered to subsidise a newspaper should it be required. As of the current time, the Gazette has not approached Mr McMurphy regarding this offer, as we at the Gazette feel that another, smaller publication may be waiting in the wings and just requiring finance in order to make a going concern.

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