The Mafia Gazette Issue 163
For All The News That Is News (E&OE)
Friday, 4th July

DETROIT AND LOS ANGELES COME TO BLOWS
By Gazette Reporter

The regeneration of both Detroit and Los Angeles had been going rather well by anyone’s standards, but the peaceful growth came to an end this week, with the cities at loggerheads and war on the horizon.

The Los Angeles family Westlake Holdings Corporation, led by Father Time, had seemingly no contact with Detroit, or its leader Graphic, but LA was very much on their radar. Graphic, aka Roman, led La Stidda Mafia, and considered LA as their home town. LA had been vacant for some time before Westlake Holdings Corporation moved in, and it is unclear why the Detroit-based LSM did not make a move for it beforehand, but they soon looked on with jealous eyes, and began to plot to take the city for themselves.

The first casualty came in the form of Westlake Wise Guy, Sonny Rossi, who also happened to be the underboss for Father Time. His death was unexpected, and the finger initially pointed at New York, though kin of Sonny later retracted that accusation and apologized for their mistake. The real killer hailed from Detroit, and went by the name of Jackie Lewis.

To begin with, the Detroit outfit gave the thinly-veiled excuse that it was Sonny’s resemblance to a long-dead Mafiosi named Santino that was the reason for his death, though this was quickly dismissed as nothing more than a smokescreen when Jackie turned his attention towards Father Time. Wounding him, and a few bodyguards, he did not manage to close in on his target. The Los Angeles outfit were angered, but still sought peaceful negotiations with Detroit, and sought out Graphic for discussions. Graphic immediately denounced Jackie’s actions, and stated he was working alone, without his knowledge or blessing. This was soon called into doubt, however, when he seemingly refused to discipline the rogue member.

A source in Westlake told us that Graphic offered to give Jackie “a talking to”, and make sure he stopped his aggression. Understandably not satisfied with this, Time and Hannibal, his new underboss, demanded the head of Lewis. When Graphic refused, and actually promised to defend Lewis against any attacks, he cemented the beliefs that these attacks were not random at all, but part of a planned assault. During discussions with another Detroit member, known as Sal, both Time and Hannibal were given ever-changing reasons for the war, but eventually Sal admitted that LSM considered Los Angeles as their city, and wanted it back.

It is believed that Sal had great influence over Graphic, perhaps even pulling his strings behind the scenes.

Despite the differences between the families, they came to what LA believed was a truce, with both sides agreeing to steer well clear of each others’ territory. LA would stay out of DET, and DET would steer clear of LA. Happy that the violence was at an end, Hannibal and Time called it a night, and headed for bed.

This, once again, was a smokescreen; Graphic flew to LA while they slept, ready to pounce when they awoke. To his misfortune, the Police seized Graphic and incarcerated him in the local penitentiary. Hannibal and some of his associates got themselves into the jail, and attacked Graphic in his cell. Losing his life, Hannibal’s only son, known by the nickname Shanky McShankerton, stabbed the Detroit Capo to death in revenge for his Father, and for the unprovoked attacks on Los Angeles.

The battle continues, but with Detroit now leaderless, save for caretaker Made Man Palladino, the war is not going in their favour. To date, three of their Wise Guys lie in the mortuary, along with a host of Gangsters and Goombas. LA’s losses to date total one Wise Guy, Sonny Rossi in the beginning, and Gangster Hannibal_Lecter. A source close to LA tells us that Palladino is attempting to instigate talks for a truce, but that LA will not be satisfied until Detroit has cleaned up its own mess, and dealt with Jackie Lewis in the proper manner.

More on this story as it progresses.


HUG A TREE DAY
By Dauzee-Mae

July 1st was declared ‘Hug-a-Tree’ Day by Kilante in hopes of trying to get the tempers and attentions turned to a different direction.

After uprooting a tree that was in serious condition, Kilante replanted it in a lovely, large pot and planned to plant it somewhere in land that would cause the tree to flourish. As she did that, she urged others, “People from far and wide are welcome to come and hug my tree and get that back-to-my-roots feeling.... yes excuse the pun. However I am tired of the ill feeling and the killings, today lets all be happy and be tree huggers. Forget your troubles and your woes, come hug, get back to one with mother nature. Let the stress that radiates throughout your body ebb slowly as you relax, forget everything for today. Allow yourself some you time.”

She even invited those watching her to come up and join her. Offering her own tree to those wishing to hug it. Some took the offer and were better for it, others found a bullet into Kilante appropriate. It is the Gazette’s hope that the tree saved by Kilante will be planted near the grave.


THE STREETS ARE ALIVE WITH TALENT!
by Gazette Reporter

Mafia’s newest talent contest got under way this week with comedian Jackie Lewis hosting the event. All manner of contender’s auditioned out on the streets, with Jackie casting an expert eye over proceedings and offering friendly advice where it was required. The winner was to receive a contract with ‘Jackie Lewis Promotions’ worth a tasty one hundred thousand dollars per year.

Chicago Capo, Oscar McJunior kicked off the event with his personal gift of ‘Swaggering’. It’s reported that several ladies fainted at the very sight of the handsome individual as he took to the stage. Mr. McJunior was followed by an ear shattering singing performance from Detroit’s very own ‘La Stidda Mafia’ leader, Graphic.

Several other performances included, amateur comedian Plague, martial arts expert and duck juggling extraordinaire Hennessy, naked hula-hoop dancer Mr. Tony Grabbacoochie and a magician by the name of Guiseppo G, who gained fame as he accidentally sawed through his own glamorous assistant Miss Dee Marc. One mark he didn’t miss!

One contestant by the name of Postman Pat, whose claim to fame was pick pocketing, actually died on stage, literally! After he managed to mug several members of the live audience, he was shot three minutes into his act and suffered a fatal wound.

The auditions are still up and running, so the prize is still waiting to be claimed. If you’ve got a talent, this reporter urges you to get on stage and give it a go. You never know, you just may have the talent that it takes!


ROOSEVELT NAMES LAST OF CABINET
By MrsBallou

The completion of his Cabinet was announced today by President-elect Roosevelt when he named Senator Thomas J. Walsh of Montana as Attorney General, Daniel C. Roper of Washington as Secretary of Commerce and Frances Perkins, head of the State Labor Department, as Secretary of Labor.

These announcements, made without comment, filled the list of appointments without change from the unofficial list published last week.

The other members of the Cabinet, whose selection Mr. Roosevelt had previously announced, are Senator Cordell Hull of Tennessee, Secretary of State; William H. Woodin of New York, Secretary of the Treasury; former Governor George H. Dern of Utah, Secretary of War; Senator Claude A. Swanson of Virginia, Secretary of the Navy; James A. Farley of New York, Postmaster General; Henry A. Wallace of Iowa, Secretary of Agriculture; and Harold Ickes of Chicago, Secretary of the Interior.

As has been pointed out, three members of the incoming Cabinet, Secretaries Woodin, Wallace, and Ickes, are Republicans. Miss Perkins will be the first woman to sit in the Cabinet. The other six members who will advise the new President in one of the most difficult situations an incoming President has encountered since Abraham Lincoln are Democrats. Of these the selection of Mr. Dern and Mr. Farley, like that of Mr. Woodin and Miss Perkins, is regarded as largely personal.


WATCHING BANKING SITUATION
By Daizee

Mr. Roosevelt is giving close attention to the banking situation and is in receipt of complete information on its developments. No statement from him on this matter is expected in advance of his inauguration and it is doubtful that he will refer to it, except perhaps in general terms, in his inaugural address.
It has been Mr. Roosevelt's belief since his election that he should refrain from public statements on business conditions in the country at least until after his inauguration, and then seek to obtain results by action rather than by words.

There is reason to believe that he will follow this policy as President, and will present his reconstruction program in full only when Congress will have assembled in special session and will be ready to take action on his recommendations.

Mr. Roosevelt denied a published report that Mayor James A. Curley of Boston, one of his early supporters, had been selected for Ambassador to Italy.

None of the diplomatic appointments have been determined, he said, when asked about the reported Curley selection. "I have not had a chance to talk to Senator Hull about them."


CURRENT CITY CONDITIONS AND WARNINGS
By Daizee-Mae

As of this printing, the following information has been obtained concerning the conditions in various cities around the nation. Wisdom can be sought in heeding these words of warning. The cities that are not listed have failed to contact the Gazette, so a word of caution to those making their traveling or business plans.

New York - Due to extreme violence and revenge action, the entire city has been placed in a Lockdown state. For those unaware of what this means, let me enlighten you. Unless, one is part of the family or has gained special permission, no one will remain alive once arriving in the city. This state will remain until the leaders deem it fit to reopen the city.

Dallas - With two families sharing the city, it appears to be a friendly, inviting atmosphere. Random violence is not appreciated, but mutual training exercises (mugging pacts) are acceptable. Anyone wishing to develop a following in the city limits is asked to consult the current family heads.

Miami - At last check, this city was open to travelers and business people alike. The reigning family welcomes business as long as it is within specifications. The Gazette has been informed that anything unbecoming to the city be it actions or business will be dealt with accordingly.

Atlanta - Currently, the city is open to business and traveling. There will be no random violence permitted and any young individual causing such disturbances will be dealt with accordingly. Likewise for those wishing to begin collecting people and strike out with a new group there is a zero tolerance

Las Vegas - It appears that Sin City is still open to all travelers and business people. Progress is being made to reduce the incidences of random incidents within the city limits. Those wishing to start a gathering of their own are asked to do so elsewhere or prepare for circumstance.

Los Angeles - The city is being cared for by a single up and coming family. Travelers and business people are welcome to do their trading and vacationing. Unwelcome trouble or disturbances will be dealt with accordingly.


BUSINESS REVIEWS
By MrsBallou

When traveling in Chicago, the best location for logging has to be the newly erected Edgewater Beach Hotel. Nestled between Sheridan Road and the lake at Berwyn Avenue, this grand structure has a view of Lake Michigan which cannot be compared to any other. The grand tower casts a huge shadow over the x shaped smaller building. Each of the buildings has capacity to accommodate at least four hundred people.

The passagio which connects the two buildings has been lined with many different shops for both gentleman and ladies alike. From the passagio the famous marble Beach Walk extends toward the lake and provides an excellent location for special events or just an evening of dancing. Many bandleaders have called this place home and provided the dance music for the guests.

The rooms are magnificent each in their own way. There are rooms for the average guests and unbelievable suites for those staying extended lengths or purely enjoy the best life has to offer. The service and food is second to none. So, when in Chicago include this lovely location in your plans.

**********
Traveling in the west can be trying, especially to folks who have lived most of their lives in the east. One of the treats of the west is the food. When going through or near Las Vegas one place to definitely stop by is Kanye’s Ribs.

The place is located in a good sized building, the BBQ pit aroma can be enjoyed even as you approach the location. The large black BBQ smokers have been positioned outside with smoke curling its way into the air almost like signals.

Once inside, the wall was lined with individual booths in addition to large banquet tables for family style presentation. The dishes offered along with the BBQ include greens, ham hocks, and other fine dishes. One of the tastiest beverages available is the sweet tea, especially on a hot day, there is nothing like it. So drop around and fill yourself up with some good soul food.

**********

Another hot spot in Las Vegas is the famous Flamingo. After the recent renovations, it is the most delightfully plush place on the strip. The establishment stands out from the rest with the addition of the lovely flamingo standing guard in the front. Each room has been made into a suite and provides the best accommodations in the west.

The entertainment are has been known to host the biggest names in show business and boasts the tastiest drinks in the city. The food served in the dining room and room service is prepared by a team of world renowned chefs and kitchen staff. Whatever is desired is made available. The elegance in which the food is served rivals any establishment in the country.

The casino area has been enlarged to accommodate at least four hundred people at once. The tables have all been replaced with the finest available. The slot machines were moved to easier locations and even a few more have been added for the patron’s delight. This complex is a must for anyone planning a trip to Las Vegas.

***********

Finding yourself in Denver and wondering where to stay? Here is the best answer. The Mountain View Lodge is nestled in the mountains, just off the beaten path. For privacy, there is no other like it. The grand lodge has a welcoming fireplace right in the lobby near the entryway. With several chairs, sofas, and tables, including game table set ups, about to give it a lived in homey feeling.

The accommodations for such a rustic place are truly lovely. Most have dual beds, a small sitting area and wondrous views on the patio or deck. Having the wildlife right outside can be most soothing after doing a great deal of business. As for the fare, it is some of the nicest around, including the recently hunted game meals.


BUMBLING CROOKS AND CRIMES
By Daizee Mae

TWO CAUGHT SKINNY DIPPING IN RESERVOIR

OREGON- Two people who went skinny dipping in a Mt. Tabor reservoir are now in hot water. Portland Water Bureau security personnel discovered the pair in Mt. Tabor Reservoir 6 early Saturday morning. They notified police, who ordered Ryan Langsdorf, 28, and 23-year-old Ashley Moyer out. Officers cited Langsdorf and Moyer for trespassing. The reservoir is divided into two sections. The section in which the swimmers were caught was currently off-line. Had it been in use at the time, the Water Bureau would have been forced to shut off the reservoir and consider dumping millions of gallons of water, said bureau spokeswoman Sarah Bott. "Not only did this foolish act threaten the cleanliness of Portland's drinking water, it was just plain dangerous," said Water Bureau Administrator David Shaff. "These two individuals could have easily found themselves in a precarious situation where extremely cold water temperatures and a difficult rescue situation could have made drowning a real possibility." The Water Bureau will work with authorities to pursue this case to the fullest extent of the law, according to Bott.

JOY RIDER DRIVES INTO RIVER

LOUISIANNA - Jefferson Parish sheriff's deputies say a 22-year-old man stole a deputy's car and took it for a joyride on the Mississippi River levee before driving it into the river. Sheriff Newell Normand says the suspect was apprehended while swimming in the water. Normand said that a deputy was responding to a complaint in Metairie around 6 a.m. Sunday and when he went to return to his car, he found that it was gone. A few minutes later, the St. Charles Parish Sheriff's office notified Jefferson Parish deputies that a police unit was driving erratically on the levee.
The deputies said they then saw the car drive into the water. Normand said the man has a lengthy prior criminal history for armed robber, simple robbery, disturbing the peace, driving drunk as well as numerous narcotics charges. Divers suspended their search for the submerged squad car around midday Sunday, but deputies say the department might use sonar equipment to attempt to retrieve it.

THE POO THIEVES

GERMANY- Just about anything involving criminals and a giant vat of poo is always a recipe for disaster. A woman trying to steal some manure in Germany fell into a huge vat of it, according to Two women tried to break into a farm so they could steal manure to make manure bombs. Remember making manure bombs when you were a kid? We used to put them on our neighbors’ doorsteps, light them on fire and laugh as they tried to stomp them out. During their heist, one of them fell in a vat of the stuff and the other one tried to pull her out, the sign of a true friend. If it was my buddy who fell in a giant vat of dung, the only thing I would physically be able to offer him is an extended and hearty laugh. She managed to get free, but both fled the scene, one in only her underwear and the other totally naked because at this point, there’s really no one to flee the scene with any dignity.


ASK UNCLE SMITTY
By: Mr_Smith aka Uncle Smitty

Dear Uncle Smitty,
How Do I get an enraged drunken friend to calm down and act responsibly?

Signed,
Carpe Diem

Carpe Diem,
This can be a very hard problem to deal with. First you must ask yourself "Why is this person so outraged?" If the answer to that is obtained it is easy, shoot the problem. Now in the case that you can't find the source of the rage then you must try a different approach. I myself take great pleasure in becoming enraged myself to the point that now my friend is concerned with calming me down. But if all this fails then you could always flip a rubber band at them
from behind and point at some unknowing soul and sit back and enjoy the entertainment about to come. If you can't fix a problem then have fun with it.

Dear Uncle Smitty,
Why is it that guy in jail is always winking and purring at me? It really creeps me out.

Signed,
Jailbird

Jailbird,
Sounds to me like a serious problem. Let me start by saying that it's always better to go to jail wearing loose-fitting clothing with a tight belt. This helps to hide your figure from that nuisance in the cell next to you. Also, you might consider beating your cellmate to death with a spoon or other inanimate object. This will help to instill fear in those around you. If all this fails to halt the jailhouse love then you only have one option left, buck up and accept that your the girly-boy all hardened criminals hope to be paired with. It's a sad fate but better you than me.


HORSE AUCTION REVIEW
By Daizee Mae

$1,000 - $100,000
Cool Bully owned by Lucian asking price $98,600
Slippery Centurion owned by Lucian asking price $99,600
Lone Drunk owned by matador asking price $35,000
Square Drunk owned by Lucian asking price $98,550
Castaway Engine owned by Lucian asking price $98,400
Hairy Vandal owned by Lucian asking price $99,950
Mighty Snow owned by Carlitos_Way asking price $45,000
Foolish Boy owned by Witchy asking price $69,999
Castaway Magic owned by Relentless asking price $70,000
Psycho Cop owned by Monet asking price $75,000
Lucky Pimp owned by Lucian asking price $87,500
Dancing Dollar owned by JasonS asking price $100,000
Cinnamon Republican owned by Lucian asking price $94,000
Breezy Problem owned by Lucian asking price $95,500
Chocolate Lad owned by Lucian asking price $89,000
Metallic Chick owned by Carlitos_Way asking price $35,000
Retarded Cannonball owned by Insecurity asking price $40,000
Mister Dragon owned by Carlitos_Way asking price $40,000

$101,000 - $500,000
Stormy Snake owned by matador asking price $148,000
Manic Republican owned by RicardoTatero asking price $150,000
Cheating Hippo owned by matador asking price $234,000
Liquid Joe owned by DeweyCoxx asking price $400,000
Chubby Rocket owned by RickTheWrench asking price $500,000
Silent Hello owned by JasonS asking price $200,000
Stealthy Brain owned by AZZ asking price $300,000
Sloppy Thug owned by matador asking price $350,000
Dancing Rose owned by PaddyDwyer asking price $250,000
Chocolate Rooster owned by SonnyAndolini asking price $216,940

$501,000 - $1,000,000
Flying Hussy owned by SonnyAndolini asking price $565,989
Ms Mustang owned by JasonS asking price $900,000
Sassy Bubble owned by Regg1e1 asking price $950,000
Bitter Thing owned by RickTheWrench asking price $850,000
Bitter Killer owned by SonnyAndolini asking price $516,528
Breezy Winter owned by RicardoTatero asking price $550,000
Hurricane Monk owned by Hennessy asking price $500,000
Clumsy Lad owned by RickTheWrench asking price $1,000,000
Eternal Candy owned by Holy-Wench asking price $1,000,000

$1,001,000 and over
Bitter Fish owned by Nicholas_Corozzo asking price $1,500,000
Chocolate Lightning owned by Nicholas_Corozzo asking price $1,500,000
Rude Thunder owned by Nicholas_Corozzo asking price $2,200,000
Breezy Lad owned by Perfection asking price $1,750,000
Va-Va- Voom owned by Holy-Wench asking price $2,000,000
Slick Rat owned by Nicholas_Corozzo asking price $1,250,000
Silent WitchCraft owned by RickTheWrench asking price $2,000,000
Modern Trouble owned by RickTheWrench asking price $2,250,000
Square Tomcat owned by RickTheWrench asking price $1,400,000


JOKE CORNER
By MrsBallou

~Differences Between Men and Woman~
Men, you may think you have a command of the English language, but when it comes to communicating with women, you may be surprised. Here is our dictionary of Womanese. Master these terms and you'll find your relationship with women greatly improved.

The Real Definition of Words When Used By Women

Fine - I am right. This argument is over. You need to shut up.

That's Okay - One of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. "That's okay" means she wants to think hard and long before deciding when and how you'll pay for your mistake.

Nothing - The calm before the storm. This means "Something" and you better be on your toes. Note: Arguments that start with "Nothing" usually end with "Fine" (See #1).

Five Minutes - If getting dress, this means half an hour. (Don't be mad about this. It's the same definition for you when it's your turn to do some chores around the house.

Thanks - A woman is thanking you. Do not question this or faint. Just say, "You're welcome," and let it go.

Loud Sigh - Not actually a word but rather a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. It means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is standing here wasting her time arguing with you about "Nothing." (See #3)

Go Ahead - This is a dare, not permission. (Don't Do It!)

Don't worry about it, I got it - The second most dangerous statement a woman can make. It means that a woman has asked a man several times to do something and is now doing it herself. (This will result in you asking at a later date, "What's wrong?" For the woman's response, see #3.)

~Differences Between Man and Women~

Names

If Mary, Susan, Claire and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Mary, Susan, Claire and Barbara.
If John, Brad, Tony and Daniel go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Bruno, Scrappy, Peanut-Head and Godzilla.

Eating Out

When the bill arrives, John, Brad, Tony and Daniel will each throw in $20, even though the total is only $34.25. None of them will have any smaller bills and none will admit they want change back.
When Mary, Susan, Claire and Barbara get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

Money

A man will pay $10 for a $5 item he needs.
A woman will pay $5 for a $10 item that she doesn't need, because it's on sale.


Bathrooms

A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, razor, shaving cream, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Motel 6.
The average number of items in a woman's bathroom is 328. The average man would not be able to identify most of them.

Arguments

Women always have the last word in an argument. Anything a man adds after that is the beginning of a new argument.

Cats

Women love cats.
Men may say they love cats, but when women are not looking, will men kick cats.

Future

A woman worries about the future -- until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future -- until he gets a wife.

Success

A successful man is one who makes more money than can be spent by his wife.
A successful woman is one who can find that a man.

Marriage

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

Dressing Up

A woman will dress up when she goes shopping, empties the garbage, answers the phone, waters the plants, gets the mail and reads a book.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

Natural

Men wake up looking as good as when they went to bed.
Women will somehow deteriorate during the night.

Children

A woman knows all about her children. She knows about their best friends, romances, secret hopes and dreams, favorite foods, fears and dental appointments.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

Thought for the Day

Married men should forget their mistakes. There is no need for two people to remember the same thing.

~Why Men Are Happier~

Men can play with toys all their life.
Men can wear shorts no matter what their legs look like.
Men have one wallet and one pair of shoes which are good for every season.
Men can choose whether or not to grow a mustache.
Men can "do" their fingernails with a pocket knife.
Men's bellies usually hide their large hips.
Chocolate is just another snack.
The whole garage belongs to them.
Weddings take care of themselves.
Men's last name never changes.
Everything on a man's face stays its original color.
Men only have to shave their faces and necks.
Men can keep the same hairstyle for years, even decades.
Men can do their Christmas shopping for 25 relative on Christmas Eve in 25 minutes.
For men, wrinkles add character.
Men can go on a week's vacation and pack only one suitcase.
Men's new shoes don't cause blisters, or cut or mangle their feet.
Men don't have to stop and think which way to turn a screw.
Men have one mood all the time.
A wedding dress cost $5000. A tuxedo rental - 100 bucks
Men can open all their own jars.


HOROSCOPES
By Daizee

Aries March 21-April 19

You may feel the urge to whip up something gin the kitchen -- even if that's ordinarily more or less off-limits to you! Sometimes your domestic impulses can't be controlled though, so go for it!

Taurus April 20-May 20

You need to sit down with that one family member or coworker who is slowing things down and at least tell them how you feel about it. This may or may not lead to change, but it's an important first step.

Gemini May 21-June 21

Now is perfect for trying out new ways to save money -- either through conservation of some kind, or through more severe techniques, like freezing your credit cards in trays of water.

Cancer June 22-July 22

You've got to make sure that you're asserting yourself now -- and it's much easier than it has been in the past! People are more willing than ever to hear you out and accept your plans.

Leo July 23-August 22

You may not really understand what's going on now -- or why you are responding the way you are -- but that's perfectly okay. You may be on autopilot in some way, but it's for a good reason.

Virgo August 23-September 22

This isn't the best time to go solo -- you need the stimulation that only other people can bring and you ought to be able to get them to stick with your program. Remember to go for a compromise, if needed!

Libra September 23-October 22

Your heart may be racing for no good reason now -- but that doesn't mean it doesn't feel exciting or frightening! Let it go and try to just see your current emotional state as a temporary situation.

Scorpio October 23 - November 21

Any issues you face that require deep thought are easier to pin down today -- your mind is sharp and focused and you should have all or most of the facts you need to make a wise judgment.

Sagittarius November 22-December 21

You may be spending more time and energy than usual on relationship maintenance -- and that includes clients at work and distant family members as well as romantic connections! It's tiring, but well worth it.

Capricorn December 22-January 19

You're feeling the urge to try out a few new ideas now and might be able to come up with a few that are worth checking out quickly. Make sure to take input from all corners, though!

Aquarius January 20-February 18

You've got plans that you want to see through, but you've also got feelings that are hard to ignore. You may need to try something a bit different to really integrate the different sides of your personality.

Pisces February 19-March 20

Try not to worry too much about the seemingly serious issues of the day -- your creative energy and ideas should make life a lot easier to deal with for everyone. You can get pretty silly if you like!


WINNING LOTTERY NUMBERS

The winning lottery numbers are: 6 17 24 31 32 43

This week there three winners sharing winner $12,120,000. Congratulations.

The Jackpot for next week already stands at $60,000

Don’t forget to go and pick you favorite numbers or give the random picks a try.



CLASSIFIEDS/ANNOUNCEMENTS

It is free to advertise here. Just mail Daizee-Mae with your advert, for it to be included in the next edition.

Rossi Exports - Is prohibition getting you down? Hurting your business? Rossi Exports is here to help. Based in Los Angeles, we ship across the country to bars, restaurants, and clubs in need of refreshments. Now taking orders, contact Sonny Rossi for more details.
~~~

Midget For sale

The midget comes with a sleeping basket, leather and chain walking leads and an array of different costumes.

The midget is a small brown haired grey eyed version of the species and is on the endangered list. I am looking for a good owner who will care for him and feed him allot of jelly as he used to be a midget jelly wrestler. The midget will answer to BBM and will start to hump your leg if he is not fed. He will also lick your face for attention.

Please contact Palladino, if you are interested. He is currently stressed and can no longer look after this animal

~~~

Alphonse's Reconstruction:

Just purchased a new site and need a lot of work done in very little time? Perhaps you just need an old place renovated in order to get more customers through the door. Alphonses Reconstruction is the place for you.. We Promise to deliver top quality designs to help make your new Bar/Restaurant, Pawn Shop, Gun range or whatever it is you require look just how you want it to and for a very fair price.

The Work will be done in an extremely timely fashion and will be placed with a garuntee that the design has not been used before, should the critics come round and say it has we will re-do it for free. Sound fair? So place your orders now and get your properties looking the best around.
~~~

After a long, hard day, wouldn’t it be lovely to just sit back and relax? Are you looking for a quiet place to take friends or business associates?

When in Chicago, go no further than The Underground. Founded by Daizee Mae, it is located on the lower levels of her office building. The small, but cozy establishment is prepared to attend to all of your cocktail needs.
~~~

Chicago Bank and Trust Co.

Currently offering depositors excellent insurance on their deposits. All depositors receive a special key to allow future generations to make use of the funds. To learn more about this business, contact Daizee Mae either at the Gazette or The Underground.
~~~
......... **● Gazzara Enterprises ™ ●** .........

☼ Gazzara Construcion Co.® ☼

Welcome to Gazzara Construcion Co.

I can offer the best in quality building construction, at a fair price. I can build any building for any city.

I have set plans ready in my blueprint room that some have set prices while others vary in size and style. Or you can give some design ideas and I will edit and build it to a quality standard. I have excellent experience in the building trade none have ever fallen and all have withstood many bloodlines in the past.

..........◄ Gazzara Loans & Investment Group Ltd ►..........

At the Gazzara Loans & Investment group you the family member can have a, any

purpose loan for your benefit.

With us you can have the help and knowledge needed to fund your own business. With our investment scheme, or invest in ourselves and have your self a weekly or monthly cash flow.

We will be investing in many things from horses to other family businesses including art galleries, where you the investor will be able to gain a decent percentage.

If you wish to make an investment mm me and I can organize an interview.

{[ Or If you would like further information mm me here in Miami home of the *All Stars*]}

..................Gazzara Horse Trading Co..................

Welcome to all traders within these cities. I am here to allow you all to know of my business with our great horses.

I am a trader with a constant need to buy and sell these great animals. If you have any interest in doing business mm me and give information with prices and if you would like a list mm for details.

Head of Gazzara Horses ~Lucian Gazzara~
~~~

The Mafia Gazette Recruiting

In order to see a return of the community's favorite regular newspaper, The Mafia Gazette is on the hunt for freelance journalists to join the team. Any who wish to write for the community’s newspaper will be welcomed. The job entails writing articles for the Gazette to be published in the next available issue. Writers should be prepared to submit at least one article every week conforming to the guidelines below.

1. No stories/columns permitted that do not conform to the already established format of the stories.

2. No vulgarity or crass language

3. All stories/columns must be confirmed as factual as the research allows. Nothing is to be confirmed/denied unless there is solid proof.

4. The editor in chief reserves the right to alter/amend any articles for content/length and all stories/columns/letters should be submitted to the Editor the day before the day of publishing to ensure proper editing is allowed.

Any submissions used will be paid for. Please mail the Editor for more information. All enquiries should be addressed to Daizee_Mae at the Gazette Offices in Chicago.

Permanent Positions Available:

Several positions are available for Current Affairs correspondents to write the daily news as it happens on our streets. Both long items and “News In Brief” items will be required, although writers may do either.

Obituaries Writer: This position could be shared, as there must be an obits column in every issue.

Classifieds Coordinator: This post will require the holder to speak to various owners of businesses to secure advertisements in the Gazette.

Features Writer: Interviews with Bosses or pieces on particular establishments would come under the heading of Features.

Agony Aunt/Uncle: To solve all the dilemmas of the everyday mobster.

If you would like more information on any of these posts, or wish to apply for any, please send your applications to Daizee_Mae at the Gazette offices in Chicago. All positions carry an attractive salary and bonus scheme.

Please note: All writers may use pen names if they choose to keep their identities secret when writing, as some controversial pieces may attract unwanted attention. No real identities will be issued by this office at any time should any wish to use pen names.

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