The Mafia Gazette Issue 162
For All The News That Is News (E&OE)
Saturday, 28th June

DALLAS WELCOMES NEW FAMILY
By Mykayla

On a lovely summer afternoon, Beautifully Chaotic came forward to announce the formation of her new family ‘~ Ll Lato Oscuro Dei Choas ~”.

During her statement, she spoke about finding a ranch near the banks of the Trinity River and sold her bar to purchase the ranch. With this purchase would allow her family to expand and assist in developing and enhancing the city of Dallas.

When asked why she chose Texas and Dallas, she responded,

“I chose Dallas and Texas in general for many reasons. One of the foremost reasoning being that generations of my family have descended from within this fine city. Both my bloodline and the city itself have a rich history and tradition with many a story of the two intertwined passed on down through the generations. Added to this I see many good opportunities as time proceeds for businesses and moneymaking in general.

Together with Johnnie Walker my chaotic lot will be helping Dallas progress into a city that people would want to visit. A safe place away from crime where people can call into the local amenities, and enjoy the social side to life.”

The Gazette wishes to take the time to wish the new family much luck with all of their endeavors for the future.

A NEW BUSINESS VENTURE
By Daizee Mae

Recently, a new business has opened and the owner has made announcements to the purpose. It appears that Lost has opened a new business in the world of soapbox making.

In this world we living, many have been seen making announcements and statements from atop of a soapbox or some similar structure. Lost has decided that it would be more dignified and safer to have custom made soapboxes.

The box he used for an example was well crafted and possessed not only his name, but also his picture and decorated with various colors and designs. The price to obtain a box similar to Lost would only cost a mere $500.00. This is a small amount to make a good impression and maintaining a safe platform to make ones presence known. To go one further, Lost offered his first five customers would get their soapbox free of charge.

PRESIDENT STARTS RECOVERY PROGRAM
By Daizee Mae

Washington--Assuming unprecedented peacetime control over the nation's economic life, President Roosevelt placed in operation today his sweeping program for recovery from the depression.

Within two hours he signed acts of Congress giving him control over industry, power to coordinate the railroads, and authority to start work on a $3,300,000,000 public works program, and then began the active administration of these and other major measures.

In signing the National Industrial Recovery Act the President declared that it was "the most important and far-reaching legislation ever enacted by the American Congress," and said that it "represents a supreme effort to stabilize for all time the many factors which make for the prosperity of the nation and the preservation of American standards."

The Glass-Steagall Banking Reform Act, which the President described as "the second most important banking legislation enacted in the history of the country"; the long- disputed Independent Offices Act, including the veterans legislation; the Deficiency Act, the Taxation Act, and the Farm Credits Act received the President's signature during the day.

ADMINISTRATORS ARE NAMED
By Daizee Mae

Turning to the administrative side of the industrial recovery program, the President appointed General Hugh S. Johnson, former soldier and manufacturer, as administrator of industry; made available $400,000,000 under the public works title for State roads, and allotted $238,000,000 to the Navy Department for laying down thirty-two new war vessels under the terms of the London treaty.

A special recovery board was named by Mr. Roosevelt to work with General Johnson. It consists of Secretary of Commerce Roper, chairman; Attorney General Cummings, Secretaries Wallace, Perkins and Ickes, Budget Director Douglas and Chairman March of the Federal Trade Commission.

General Johnson also will have an advisory council of business and labor leaders, the personnel of which has not yet been announced. Among those reported under consideration, however, are Myron C. Taylor, Alfred P. Sloan, Walter C. Teagle, Gerard Swope and Will Vereen.

Colonel Donald H. Sawyer was named temporary administrator of public works and was directed, with a special Cabinet board consisting of Secretary Ickes, chairman; Secretaries Wallace, Roper and Perkins, Assistant Secretary of the Treasury Robert, Colonel George R. Spaulding, and Budget Director Douglas, to submit to the President without delay the works on which construction can be undertaken promptly, and to outline a program for future work.

A QUIET MOMENT WITH GRAPHIC
By Lager

Lager: First I'd like to say thanks for taking the time in your busy schedule to sit down with me. I'd like to start of by asking what brought you to settle in Detroit?

Graphic: Well, actually, I was the RHM for Donald Lockwood and after his passing I took over the family.

Lager: So this was more an unexpected turn of events that lead to your running a family? How have your crew members supported you with this transition as head of the family?

Graphic: Well we’re getting settled it’s always tough for a group of people to work for someone and then seconds later someone else but we are growing stronger and closer as a family.

Lager: Yes, there is always an adjustment period. It seems you have managed to get control of the family and are running a smooth operation to this point. What are some of the beliefs or basis for your crew as a whole?

Graphic: Well, right now we are just searching for Peace. We were at war with NYC but due to the power of words that has ended we have a friendship now and we plan on keeping it that way. As to Beliefs well just to shoot for the top you know

Lager: It is good to hear you speak of Peace, maybe the kids will be able to play in the parks again. How do you believe your family will benefit the city of Detroit?

Graphic: Well right now we are picking up the pieces from what was caused by the war. We are also thinking of enforcing a Business rule such as the one that had just been placed in the city of Chicago.

Lager: Yes, that has seemed like a popular idea with a few people since its introduction. I had the fortune of visiting a few Detroit businesses last night and was well received. All of the establishments I visited were very well managed I must say, so I must commend you on your efforts to date.

You say you are recruiting, but selectively. What do you look for in recruiting new members?

Graphic: I look for loyalty not just to me but to a brother or a sister. This is my family and I’m not going to take in someone who doesn’t respect the rules or live by them. Also I’m looking for knowledge. I mean yes you can teach but it makes things a whole lot easier when a person knows what he or she is doing. And thank you for stopping in I hope you enjoyed yourself.

Lager: It was my pleasure, and I am sure I will be back soon. Before I leave you today I would like to ask one more question, two actually.

Do you have any words of wisdom for the young up and coming mobsters in our society?

And lastly, word on the street has it that the Cubs are going to win the World Series, what do you have to say about that?

Graphic: Well to the young guys, There is always hope, hope for everything so never give up. The Cubs well I’m not a big Cub fan but there playing pretty hard this year so well they might just pull it off.

Lager: I would like to again thank you for taking the time to talk to me, and I wish you well in Detroit. By the way, I saw some guy selling a lot of white and black face paint down on the corner earlier. Don't know that your interested, but it was just a thought. Thank you sir, and have a great day!

LAWRENCE TO HAVE A SIMPLE FUNERAL
By Mykayla

London -- Wrapped in the Union Jack he served so well, the body of Colonel T. E. Lawrence was borne this morning to the little slate-roofed mortuary adjoining the hospital at Bovington Camp in Dorset, where the organizer of the great "Revolt in the Desert" had died a few hours earlier.

Two orderlies, who had kept watch over him during his six days of unconsciousness, lifted his body from the ambulance in the pouring rain and carried it into the mortuary chapel. There it lay tonight before the altar, on which a small crucifix stood.

Funeral arrangements are as simple as anything "Lawrence of Arabia" could have wished. The funeral will be held privately on Tuesday in the village church at Moreton, near the tiny cottage where Colonel Lawrence lived, and at the request of his brother, A. W. Lawrence, there will be no flowers and no mourning. Only his relatives and intimate friends will be invited, but there may also be a memorial service in London at which great figures of the empire can pay their late respects.

CURRENT CITY CONDITIONS AND WARNINGS
By Daizee-Mae

As of this printing, the following information has been obtained concerning the conditions in various cities around the nation. Wisdom can be sought in heeding these words of warning. The cities that are not listed have failed to contact the Gazette, so a word of caution to those making their traveling or business plans.

New York - Due to extreme violence and revenge action, the entire city has been placed in a Lockdown state. For those unaware of what this means, let me enlighten you. Unless, one is part of the family or has gained special permission, no one will remain alive once arriving in the city. This state will remain until the leaders deem it fit to reopen the city.

Detroit - The city appears to be open to travel and business. Though there a family struggling to make its presence known, it has not placed restrictions on normal business and travel. It is noted that an effort is underway to reduce the muggings and random violence.

Chicago - Under the direction of one boss, the city remains open for travel and business. Recent regulations within the business district are expected to be respected. Those wishing to cause difficulties or problems will be dealt with accordingly. Those seeking a place to gather a group of their own should consider real estate elsewhere.

Dallas - With two families sharing the city, it appears to be a friendly, inviting atmosphere. Random violence is not appreciated, but mutual training exercises (mugging pacts) are acceptable. Anyone wishing to develop a following in the city limits is asked to consult the current family heads.

Miami - At last check, this city was open to travelers and business people alike. The reigning family welcomes business as long as it is within specifications. The Gazette has been informed that anything unbecoming to the city be it actions or business will be dealt with accordingly.

Atlanta - Currently, the city is open to business and traveling. There will be no random violence permitted and any young individual causing such disturbances will be dealt with accordingly. Likewise for those wishing to begin collecting people and strike out with a new group there is a zero tolerance

Las Vegas - It appears that Sin City is still open to all travelers and business people. Progress is being made to reduce the incidences of random incidents within the city limits. Those wishing to start a gathering of their own are asked to do so elsewhere or prepare for circumstance.

Los Angeles - The city is being cared for by a single up and coming family. Travelers and business people are welcome to do their trading and vacationing. Unwelcome trouble or disturbances will be dealt with accordingly.

BUSINESS REVIEWS
By Mykayla

Placed in the heart of the city of Detroit, Hotel McJunior was developed from an old hotel. Without the use of the upper floors, the owner turned the lower levels into a welcoming place to both drink and eats. The plush carpets are so inviting that it takes great restraint not to remove ones shoes and walk about in stocking feet. The sofas and posh chairs have been placed around the room, especially near the lovely fireplace which is usually burning. The reception desk has been turned into a bar where people can enjoy their food and beverages. With the relaxed feeling in the business, it should not be missed when traveling in Detroit.
~~~~

Upon visiting Graphic’s House in Detroit, the atmosphere is completely different from anything seen before. The business is set up as the owners personal home including a living room, bedroom, kitchen, and bar. Guests are welcomed warmly and told to make themselves at home. There is no professional bartending or service help within the business. Signs posted about explain where things are and the offer to help ones self to whatever may be available.
~~~

A business that caught my attention while traveling to Los Angles was called The Celtic Lounge. The establishment, which resembles a log cabin, has been built on a corner. Once inside, one of the first things that comes into sight is a long “L” shaped bar. The tables have been scattered around the lovely oak floor. It was a pleasant surprise to find the chairs were not only padded, but also offered a foot rest if it was desired. The menu of drinks is phenomenal and really should be checked out by all of those in the LA area.
~~~

HORSE AUCTION REVIEW
By Daizee Mae

$1,000 - $100,000
Cool Bully owned by Lucian asking price $98,600
Samurai One owned by Pin_Barclay asking price $80,000
Breezy Flower owned by Pin_Barclay asking price $40,000
Naked Runner owned by Pin_Barclay asking price $50,000
Slippery Centurion owned by Lucian asking price $99,600
Lone Drunk owned by matador asking price $35,000
Square Drunk owned by Lucian asking price $98,550
Breezy Flower owned by Pin_Barclay asking price $40,000
Castaway Engine owned by Lucian asking price $98,400
Blue Bolt owned by Carlitos_Way asking price $45,000
Suicidal Mouse owned by Pin_Barclay asking price $60,000
Hairy Vandal owned by Lucian asking price $99,950
Suicidal Mouse owned by Pin_Barclay asking price $60,000
Mighty Snow owned by Nicholas_Corozzo asking price $25,000
Foolish Boy owned by Witchy asking price $69,999
Castaway Magic owned by Relentless asking price $70,000
Psycho Cop owned by Monet asking price $75,000
Lucky Pimp owned by Lucian asking price $87,500
Old School Bastard owned by matador asking price $85,000
Dancing Dollar owned by JasonS asking price $100,000

$101,000 - $500,000
Manic Republican owned by RicardoTatero asking price $150,000
Cheating Hippo owned by matador asking price $234,000
Liquid Joe owned by DeweyCoxx asking price $300,000
Blue Buddy owned by Sandra_Lee asking price $250,000
Chubby Rocket owned by RickTheWrench asking price $500,000
Silent Hello owned by JasonS asking price $200,000
Silent Dash owned by yoda asking price $500,000
Stealthy Brain owned by AZZ asking price $300,000
Sloppy Thug owned by matador asking price $350,000
Dancing Rose owned by PaddyDwyer asking price $250,000
Retarded Butterfly owned by matador asking price $112,000
Chocolate Rooster owned by SonnyAndolini asking price $216,940

$501,000 - $1,000,000
Ms Mustang owned by JasonS asking price $900,000
Sassy Bubble owned by Regg1e1 asking price $950,000
Bitter Killer owned by SonnyAndolini asking price $516,528
Breezy Winter owned by RicardoTatero asking price $550,000
Flying Hussy owned by SonnyAndolini asking price $565,989
Hurricane Monk owned by Hennessy asking price $750,000
Clumsy Lad owned by RickTheWrench asking price $1,000,000
Eternal Candy owned by Holy-Wench asking price $1,000,000

$1,001,000 and over
Bitter Fish owned by Nicholas_Corozzo asking price $1,500,000
Va-Va- Voom owned by Holy-Wench asking price $2,000,000
Silent WitchCraft owned by RickTheWrench asking price $2,000,000
Modern Trouble owned by RickTheWrench asking price $2,250,000
Slick Rat owned by Nicholas_Corozzo asking price $1,250,000
Square Tomcat owned by RickTheWrench asking price $1,400,000

JOKE CORNER
By Mykayla

Excuse:

A man was driving home late one afternoon, and he was driving above the speed limit. He notices a police car with its red lights on in his rear view mirror. He thinks "I can outrun this guy," so he floors it and the race is on. The cars are racing down the highway -- 60, 70, 80, 90 miles an hour. Finally, as his speedometer passes 100, the guy figures "what the heck," and gives up. He pulls over to the curb. The police officer gets out of his cruiser and approaches the car. He leans down and says "Listen mister, I've had a really lousy day, and I just want to go home. Give me a good excuse and I'll let you go." The man thought for a moment and said... "Three weeks ago, my wife ran off with a police officer. When I saw your cruiser in my rear view mirror, I thought that you were the officer and that you were trying to give her back to me!" ...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Seeing Eye" Joke

A blind man with a seeing eye dog at his side walks into a grocery store. The man walks to the middle of the store, picks up the dog by the tail, and starts swinging the dog around in circles over his head. The store manager, who has seen all this, thinks this is quite strange. So, he decides to find out what's going on. The store manager approaches the blind man swinging the dog and says, "Pardon me. May I help you with something." The blind man says, "No thanks. I'm just looking around."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone.

He said, “Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely DIE!!!"

"Each morning fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant and make sure he's in a good mood.

For lunch make him a nutritious meal he can take to work. And for dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him.

Don't burden him with chores, as this could further his stress. Don't discuss your problems with him it will only make his stress worse.

Try to relax your husband in the evening by wearing lingerie and giving him plenty of back rubs.

Encourage him to watch some type of sporting event on T.V. And most importantly make love with your husband several times a week, and satisfy his every whim."

"If you can do this for 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely."

On the way home the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?"

She replied, "He said you're goanna die."
~~~~~~~~~~~

Women Bumper Stickers

1. SO MANY MEN, SO FEW WHO CAN AFFORD ME.

2. IF THEY DON'T HAVE CHOCOLATE IN HEAVEN, I AIN'T GOING.

3. MY MOTHER IS A TRAVEL AGENT FOR GUILT TRIPS.

4. COFFEE, CHOCOLATE, MEN ... SOME THINGS ARE JUST BETTER RICH.

5. DON'T TREAT ME ANY DIFFERENTLY THAN YOU WOULD THE QUEEN.

6. NEXT MOOD SWING: 6 MINUTES.

7. OF COURSE I DON'T LOOK BUSY...I DID IT RIGHT THE FIRST TIME.

8. DO NOT START WITH ME. YOU WILL NOT WIN.

9. HOW CAN I MISS YOU IF YOU WON'T GO AWAY?

10. IF YOU WANT BREAKFAST IN BED, SLEEP IN THE KITCHEN!

HOROSCOPES
By Daizee Mae

Aries March 21-April 19

Now is perfect for making sure that you're on the same wavelength as your sweetheart -- or for pursuing a new romance, if you're currently single. Your positive energy should help quite a bit!

Taurus April 20-May 20

Someone close is in a big hurry now, but you can tell that everyone is better off going slow. This leads to conflict, of course, but you almost certainly have time on your side, so wait it out.

Gemini May 21-June 21

Let someone know what you want -- it couldn't hurt and they might be able to help in ways you don't yet know about. Life is getting sweeter, but you need to help it along at least a little.

Cancer June 22-July 22

You may run up against legal restrictions or guidelines that make your life harder than it needs to be. There may be a way around the situation, but you almost certainly need expert guidance.

Leo July 23-August 22

You can turn anything into a party now -- even a boring shift at work! Whatever you're doing, keep smiling and invite others to do the same. Their gratitude should make it all worthwhile.

Virgo August 23-September 22

You're in good spirits now and your playful mood busts out more than once when others are starting to feel down. It's a good time to plow through boring or repetitive tasks while it's still fun!

Libra September 23-October 22

Reach out and offer a compromise with that person who seems so reluctant to negotiate. It might work this time and that could mean that things can finally proceed to somewhere better for both of you.

Scorpio October 23 - November 21

Now is the best time for you to start in a new direction -- though there may be quite a few other folks doing the same thing! Don't let that worry you, though, because you've got an edge they can't dream of.

Sagittarius November 22-December 21

You're filled with potent energy and should be able to take on almost any challenge -- if you even meet any, that is! See if you can make progress on a project that has been waiting for attention for a while.

Capricorn December 22-January 19

It's a good time to change passwords. You are feeling the urge to ramp up your security somehow and starting with the computer is pretty sensible. Things should feel better soon.

Aquarius January 20-February 18

Your energy is reaching out to new people and causing quite a stir -- in a good way, of course! You may inspire others to try new things or develop hit ideas that should make life much more interesting.

Pisces February 19-March 20

You're not so sure you understand what's going on, because most likely you've been suffering under a delusion for quite some time. Clarity will come, but it may take a bit more time.

WINNING LOTTERY NUMBERS

The winning lottery numbers are: 1 2 4 11 20 2146
This week there was a single winner $8,685,000. Congratulations.

The Jackpot for next week already stands at $622,500
Don’t forget to go and pick you favorite numbers or give the random picks a try.



CLASSIFIEDS/ANNOUNCEMENTS

It is free to advertise here. Just mail Daizee-Mae with your advert, for it to be included in the next edition.

Rossi Exports - Is prohibition getting you down? Hurting your business? Rossi Exports is here to help. Based in Los Angeles, we ship across the country to bars, restaurants, and clubs in need of refreshments. Now taking orders, contact Sonny Rossi for more details.
~~~

Sandy's Racing Program

Sandy's racing program's now available for a limited time.
Let Sandy help you bring home the bacon.
The home of the no win no pay. If you don’t win you don’t pay. Ask about our free weekend program.
~~~

Alphonse's Reconstruction:

Just purchased a new site and need a lot of work done in very little time? Perhaps you just need an old place renovated in order to get more customers through the door. Alphonses Reconstruction is the place for you.. We Promise to deliver top quality designs to help make your new Bar/Restaurant, Pawn Shop, Gun range or whatever it is you require look just how you want it to and for a very fair price.

The Work will be done in an extremely timely fashion and will be placed with a garuntee that the design has not been used before, should the critics come round and say it has we will re-do it for free. Sound fair? So place your orders now and get your properties looking the best around.
~~~

After a long, hard day, wouldn’t it be lovely to just sit back and relax? Are you looking for a quiet place to take friends or business associates?

When in Chicago, go no further than The Underground. Founded by Daizee Mae, it is located on the lower levels of her office building. The small, but cozy establishment is prepared to attend to all of your cocktail needs.
~~~

Chicago Bank and Trust Co.

Currently offering depositors excellent insurance on their deposits. All depositors receive a special key to allow future generations to make use of the funds. To learn more about this business, contact Daizee Mae either at the Gazette or The Underground.
~~~
......... **● Gazzara Enterprises ™ ●** .........

☼ Gazzara Construcion Co.® ☼

Welcome to Gazzara Construcion Co.

I can offer the best in quality building construction, at a fair price. I can build any building for any city.

I have set plans ready in my blueprint room that some have set prices while others vary in size and style. Or you can give some design ideas and I will edit and build it to a quality standard. I have excellent experience in the building trade none have ever fallen and all have withstood many bloodlines in the past.

..........◄ Gazzara Loans & Investment Group Ltd ►..........

At the Gazzara Loans & Investment group you the family member can have a, any

purpose loan for your benefit.

With us you can have the help and knowledge needed to fund your own business. With our investment scheme, or invest in ourselves and have your self a weekly or monthly cash flow.

We will be investing in many things from horses to other family businesses including art galleries, where you the investor will be able to gain a decent percentage.

If you wish to make an investment mm me and I can organize an interview.

{[ Or If you would like further information mm me here in Miami home of the *All Stars*]}

..................Gazzara Horse Trading Co..................

Welcome to all traders within these cities. I am here to allow you all to know of my business with our great horses.

I am a trader with a constant need to buy and sell these great animals. If you have any interest in doing business mm me and give information with prices and if you would like a list mm for details.

Head of Gazzara Horses ~Lucian Gazzara~
~~~

The Mafia Gazette Recruiting

In order to see a return of the community's favorite regular newspaper, The Mafia Gazette is on the hunt for freelance journalists to join the team. Any who wish to write for the community’s newspaper will be welcomed. The job entails writing articles for the Gazette to be published in the next available issue. Writers should be prepared to submit at least one article every week conforming to the guidelines below.

1. No stories/columns permitted that do not conform to the already established format of the stories.

2. No vulgarity or crass language

3. All stories/columns must be confirmed as factual as the research allows. Nothing is to be confirmed/denied unless there is solid proof.

4. The editor in chief reserves the right to alter/amend any articles for content/length and all stories/columns/letters should be submitted to the Editor the day before the day of publishing to ensure proper editing is allowed.

Any submissions used will be paid for. Please mail the Editor for more information. All enquiries should be addressed to Daizee_Mae at the Gazette Offices in Chicago.

Permanent Positions Available:

Several positions are available for Current Affairs correspondents to write the daily news as it happens on our streets. Both long items and “News In Brief” items will be required, although writers may do either.

Obituaries Writer: This position could be shared, as there should be an obits column in every issue.

Classifieds Coordinator: This post will require the holder to speak to various owners of businesses to secure advertisements in the Gazette.

Features Writer: Interviews with Bosses or pieces on particular establishments would come under the heading of Features.

Dear Aunt/Uncle: To solve all the dilemmas of the everyday mobster.

If you would like more information on any of these posts, or wish to apply for any, please send your applications to Daizee_Mae at the Gazette offices in Chicago. All positions carry an attractive salary and bonus scheme.

Please note: All writers may use pen names if they choose to keep their identities secret when writing, as some controversial pieces may attract unwanted attention. No real identities will be issued by this office at any time should any wish to use pen names.

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