The Mafia Gazette Issue 161
For All The News That Is News (E&OE)
Wednesday, 25th June

LA WELCOMES NEW GROUP
By Daizee Mae

Father Time has come forward to renounce his former association with a Las Vegas group and to make known the opening of a new business. During the relatively short speech, Father Time explained that during his association with Vegas he and his associated Sonny Rossi had fought for peace between the coasts, but when it there was no correlation between the two friends and the crew they requested release.

After departing Las Vegas, the two friends struck out for California. When they arrived in Westlake, they knew it was the place for them. Together they have opened up ‘The Westlake Holdings Corporation.’ The group will consist of business men and women wishing to concentrating on the business end of things rather than the warring. As it was stated, this group will not be seeking out revenge since they have nothing claim revenge for. The Gazette and its employees wish the group all the best of luck to them and all their endeavors.

MAFIA’S GOT TALENT
By Serafina

Auditions are now being held for a new contest called ‘Mafia’s Got Talent’. The brain child of the famous actor, Jackie Lewis, is offering prizes and fun to those wishing to enter.

During the first round, people are able to demonstrate their talents and be judged on whether they will be sent on to the next level or if they will be asked to leave. It has been claimed by Mr. Lewis that he will offering his professional opinion.

Each round will eventually narrow the group competing down to the very talented population within this word of ours. This reporter believes with all the talented people who have run in the Mr. and Miss Mafia contests there should be many to fill Mr. Lewis’ competition.

DEATH OF A GENTLEMAN
By Daizee Mae

Monday was truly a sad day in this world of ours. While serving a sentence in prison, the famous gentleman, MadDog was slain. It had been only recently that the man came back into this world of ours.

MadDog was known for his business ‘MadDog Enterprises’ through which he served the banking and arms dealings of many in our world. It was not only for profit, but he also reached out and helped those trying to rebuild their lives after a family member had perished.

One of MadDog’s other loves was his horses. He was one owner who took great pride in his animals and stable. When he decided to retired, he found good homes for all of his horses with the exception of two or three.

Apparently, retirement wasn’t what MadDog expected and shortly after making the decision to return, but not as his former position. He returned to this world of ours and took up with plight of the well known Chicago Swingers. The Family was very happy to have the gentleman within their walls.

While serving a sentence, MadDog found an empty bunk and laid down to rest. After falling asleep, it has been rumored that Allphar took a shank and stabbed MadDog to death. Justice was served when Allphar was killed without incident.

The Mafia Gazette wishes to extend condolences and kinds wishes to all the friends and family of MadDog.

DETROIT LIGHTHOUSES
By Serafina

Recently, the Coast Guard has taken an interest in the safety of the Great Lakes. Aside from publishing ‘Notices to Mariners’ and the numerous lighthouses, the Coast Guard has installed lighted buoys which proved assistance to skippers as the maneuver the lakes. These buoys in association with the lighthouses help to keep captains and crew alerted to the dangers of the Great Lakes. The most recent in invocations for the lakes has been the creation of automated lighthouse lamp and fog horns allowing them to be activated from another place. This made the job of the lighthouse keepers much simpler. Another tool used on the Great Lakes is the large ice cutter which was recently launched to help those who have run aground or have been surrounded in ice and are unable to free themselves.

ADOPT - A - SQUIRREL
By Lager

It seems that due to the increase in business in Dallas that there has been a decline of natural squirrel habitat according to city officials. But without the funds to transplant the homeless squirrels it seems as if they have been left to fend for themselves. They have been seen dumpster diving for bits of food. There has also been an increase of squirrel deaths from local people doing things as simple as mowing their lawns.

Father_Time has taken a special interest in the plight of the wayward squirrels and has introduced an “Adopt a Squirrel” foundation. For a mere 86.00 donation, you will get an authentic document showing that you are a concerned citizen. You will also receive a photo of a squirrel that you will be helping, along with a personalized thank you card from said squirrel. You will also be receiving updates to adopted squirrels progress.

The question of the day though, has been, “How do we know this isn’t a ploy to scam innocent people of their hard earned cash?” First and foremost, you should always verify that your donated money is going to the cause that you intend. If you have any questions concerning the distribution of funds you should contact Father_Time directly. If you are a concerned citizen and want to know more you can contact the Dallas city council.

Some of the squirrels have been forced into squirrel sweat shops doing such odd jobs as cleaning bar mugs and sweeping floors in local establishments. This has resulted in a large number of squirrels becoming dependent on alcohol, standing on street corners holding signs “will work for peanuts”. We would hope that some of the donated monies will be redistributed into rehabilitation centers for the squirrels to wean them of their dependency. It is an ugly plight so we hope that this will open the public’s eyes to the life of the wayward squirrel.

EDITORIAL SECTION
Please note - These views are strictly that of the writer and in no way reflect the views, concerns, or beliefs of the Gazette or its staff.

THE TRUTH BEHIND THE REVOLUTION

Making a lot of noise on the streets lately is a few people known as the revolution. They have came to the streets in various guises proclaiming to provide financial assistance and arms to would be hitmen willing to take up arms against the conceptual movement. A story has come in today which lays waste to these claims and shows the movement as it truly is..... a sham.

Reaper had been a man at pain with himself; he was an angry young man and had a bone of contention against the conceptual movement. As his son telling this story I sometimes wonder what went on in his head and although I do not agree with his actions I can see he was committed to what he thought he had to do. Having accumulated a bit of wealth Reaper decided the time had come to finally rank up and fight the concepts, he was tiring of all the talking which was going on and thought action was the best way forward. He started to buy up all the BG's he could find, spending in excess of 4 million and prepared for the battle.

Before going into the breach as they say he spoke with the revolution and they pledged unlimited support, he was going to battle anyway but with this in mind he went ahead and traveled to New York. Arriving there he entered Beckman’s bar, firing a few warning shots in the air he screamed abuse at the patrons and as he left he threw in a petrol bomb, engulfing the bar in flames.

Shortly after Beckman took up the fight, he began firing numerous times and hitting various Bodyguards sending them to the morgue. At this point reaper ran out off ammo and contacted the ''revolution'' for the promised support. He was told that there was no-one who could bring him arms in NY. Reaper stated that he could get to Dallas; they insisted no-one could get there either. Reaper stated that he had people who could collect the bullets from them and bring them to him; the answer to this was that the man who holds the ammo is not around. Shortly after this, Reaper received a nearly fatal wound from Beckman. Realizing his immediate demise Reaper fled to another city but was quickly found and gunned down by Beckman.

Reaper was an angry man who died and his only wish was that I, his son never followed him into such a war. So why may you ask do I come here and print this story for all to see? I do this for a few reasons.

One is that I have been promised anonymity and two I feel that others should be aware of the false promises that this group brings. My father died with more respect for the conceptual movement than he did for this group. This say's it all in my eyes. be wary of these false promises and claims to the downfall of the concepts as quite simply this group is only there to claim what others have done as they are not willing to do anything on their own. I leave this story with one further point, after asking for assistance and being refused they did offer to hold any money my father had incase he died....... so they where willing to come over and collect his money, just not part with anything to assist. Make your own mind up. I myself am not getting involved in the battles of old but felt it necessary to let others know of the dangers that are out there.


JOKE CORNER

A young businessman had just started his own business. He'd rented a beautiful office and had it brilliantly decorated. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office.

Wishing to appear busy, the young businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he was working a big deal. He was shouting huge figures and made giant commitments.

Finally, he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?" The man said, "Sure. I'm here to install the phone!"
~~~

Two physicians board a flight out of Seattle. One sits in the window seat, the other in the middle seat. Just before take-off, an attorney sits in the seat by the aisle. The lawyer kicks off his shoes, wiggle his toes, and starts to settle in, when the physician in the window seat says, "I think I'll get up and get a coke."

"No problem," says the attorney, "I'm by the aisle. I'll get it for you."

While he's gone, one of the physicians picks up the attorney's shoe and spits in it. When he returns with the coke, the other physician says, "That looks good, I think I'll have one too."

Again, the attorney obligingly fetches the drink. While he's gone, the other physician picks up the other shoe and spits in it.

The lawyer comes back and they all sit back and enjoy the flight. As the plane is landing, however, the attorney slips his feet into his shoes and realizes immediately what has happened.

"How long must this go on?" he asks the physicians. "This fighting between our professions? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes and peeing in cokes?"
~~~

You Will Never Hear Women Say

7 What do you mean today's our anniversary?

6. Can we NOT talk to each other tonight? I'd rather just watch TV.

5. Ohhhhhh, this diamond is wayyyyyyyyy tooooooo big!

4. Honey, does this outfit make my butt look too small?

3. Aww, don't stop for directions, I'm sure you'll be able to figure out how to get there.

2. I don't care if it's on sale; $300 is way too much for a designer dress.

1. Hey, pull my finger!
~~~

A guy burned both of his ears... so they were asking him at the hospital how it happened.

He said, ''I was ironing my clothing and the phone rang... So, instead of the phone I picked up the iron and burned my ear...''

''But how the heck did you burn the other ear?'' The doctor asked.

''They called back.''


WINNING LOTTERY NUMBERS

The winning lottery numbers are: 10 14 28 31 37 45
This week there was a single winner. Congratulations.

The Jackpot for next week already stands at $1,177,500
Don’t forget to go and pick you favorite numbers or give the random picks a try.



CLASSIFIEDS/ANNOUNCEMENTS

It is free to advertise here. Just mail Daizee-Mae with your advert, for it to be included in the next edition.

Rossi Exports - Is prohibition getting you down? Hurting your business? Rossi Exports is here to help. Based in Los Angeles, we ship across the country to bars, restaurants, and clubs in need of refreshments. Now taking orders, contact Sonny Rossi for more details.
~~~

Sandy's Racing Program

Sandy's racing program's now available for a limited time.
Let Sandy help you bring home the bacon.
The home of the no win no pay. If you don’t win you don’t pay. Ask about our free weekend program.
~~~

Alphonse's Reconstruction:

Just purchased a new site and need a lot of work done in very little time? Perhaps you just need an old place renovated in order to get more customers through the door. Alphonses Reconstruction is the place for you.. We Promise to deliver top quality designs to help make your new Bar/Restaurant, Pawn Shop, Gun range or whatever it is you require look just how you want it to and for a very fair price.

The Work will be done in an extremely timely fashion and will be placed with a garuntee that the design has not been used before, should the critics come round and say it has we will re-do it for free. Sound fair? So place your orders now and get your properties looking the best around.
~~~

After a long, hard day, wouldn’t it be lovely to just sit back and relax? Are you looking for a quiet place to take friends or business associates?

When in Chicago, go no further than The Underground. Founded by Daizee Mae, it is located on the lower levels of her office building. The small, but cozy establishment is prepared to attend to all of your cocktail needs.
~~~

Chicago Bank and Trust Co.

Currently offering depositors excellent insurance on their deposits. All depositors receive a special key to allow future generations to make use of the funds. To learn more about this business, contact Daizee Mae either at the Gazette or The Underground.
~~~
......... **● Gazzara Enterprises ™ ●** .........

☼ Gazzara Construcion Co.® ☼

Welcome to Gazzara Construcion Co.

I can offer the best in quality building construction, at a fair price. I can build any building for any city.

I have set plans ready in my blueprint room that some have set prices while others vary in size and style. Or you can give some design ideas and I will edit and build it to a quality standard. I have excellent experience in the building trade none have ever fallen and all have withstood many bloodlines in the past.

..........◄ Gazzara Loans & Investment Group Ltd ►..........

At the Gazzara Loans & Investment group you the family member can have a, any

purpose loan for your benefit.

With us you can have the help and knowledge needed to fund your own business. With our investment scheme, or invest in ourselves and have your self a weekly or monthly cash flow.

We will be investing in many things from horses to other family businesses including art galleries, where you the investor will be able to gain a decent percentage.

If you wish to make an investment mm me and I can organize an interview.

{[ Or If you would like further information mm me here in Miami home of the *All Stars*]}

..................Gazzara Horse Trading Co..................

Welcome to all traders within these cities. I am here to allow you all to know of my business with our great horses.

I am a trader with a constant need to buy and sell these great animals. If you have any interest in doing business mm me and give information with prices and if you would like a list mm for details.

Head of Gazzara Horses ~Lucian Gazzara~
~~~

+ ●• U.S. Poker Tour •● +

♦ ♥ ♣ ♠

Welcome to the U.S. Poker Tour.

The tour will consist of 18 knockout style games, played in a tournament. All game will be played in the form of No limit Texas hold'em. All contestants must fill in the appropriate application form and the required buy-in fee to each game. The first games help will be set as open matches available to anyone within the public, and each city will hold 1 open game. All open games are $250,000 buy-in and all opens are winner takes all 1st prize cash/ or check only which will be presented by the ''Tournament Director'' on the presentation evening night held within the catering City. After all available City games have been completed, the tour changes into the Championship Tour.

Championship Tour:

The Championship Tour is the same as the ''Open'' tour but the buy-in is $600,000 one time buy-in. Also needed is the appropriate application forms and fee paid to the ''Tournament Director'' The Tour Champion will be the competitor with the most consistent finishes on each Championship game. This will be decided in a points table for each placement within that game.

(Example 10th place 1 point. 9th place 3 points ect.)

There will be a 4 place prize pool for the top 4 players.

Overall 1st 45% 2nd 25% 3rd 20% 4th 10% all players must play at every event in each city. If dead there bloodline has full access to contest as long as they show proof of bloodline.

The Mafia Gazette is now recruiting! Think you could handle a career in professional journalism? Contact Daizee-Mae for further details or drop by the head office in Chicago.

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