The Miami Prophet - Issue Four

Editor-In-Chief:
Miss. Venom Vixen

Writing Team:
Lady Loompa - Asst Editor, Journalist, Columnist, Advertising
JuiceBoxHero - Columnist

Deliveries:

Ying Yang

President Carcass Appoints Two New Under Bosses

President Carcass has this week appointed two men to help him run the country, Slander and Gilgamish. Although President Carcass will still be the highest level of power in the country, his under bosses will assist him with some of his duties.

The whole nation is set to benefit from this move as now there will be two more officials who can help sort out issues whenever President Carcass is too busy to be around dealing with the public.

The Prophet would like to welcome both Slander and Gilgamesh and congratulate them on their new positions of power.

All Flights Cancelled From Chicago And Miami

This week saw the start of a airline strike in Miami and Chicago as a pay dispute amongst airline workers spiralled out of control. What should have been nothing more than discussions on a pay rise for workers became a full blown strike leaving many people stranded or forced to take the train in and out of these cities.

After a couple of days of talks, officials agreed to a pay rise and flights resumed as normal on Wednesday.

Passengers are still advised that due to the backlog of passengers and luggage there may still be slight delays when flying to and from these cities. They expect flight times to be back to normal by the end of this week..

[got a view on this issue, contact Venom Vixen, c/o Miami Prophet, Miami]

Singing At New York Mans Funeral

A young man by the name of kn0l3dg3-R06 turned heads at his funeral when those who turned out to pay their respects began singing the popular children’s song ‘head, shoulders, knees and toes’ around his casket instead of the traditional hymns.

It seems a couple of his close friends decided to start the song as a joke in relation to his last words, when those passing by heard the singing they decided to join the singing. They then finished with an encore of ‘The wheels on the bus’ before paying their final respects and allowing the youngster rest in peace.

[got a view on this issue, contact Venom Vixen, c/o Miami Prophet, Miami]

Mr Mafia

As the Mr Mafia contest draws to a close tension is high. It’s been an interesting contest, we’ve had a great turnout of contestants, we’ve heard a lot of interesting questions and answers, some foul play and even a little nudity.

The judges are currently still deciding on the winner as we all wait in anticipation for the winner to be announced. More on this story in next weeks issue.

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Also this week, rumours of the return of Miss Mafia to our streets. So ladies start picking out those outfits.

[got a view on this issue, contact Venom Vixen, c/o Miami Prophet, Miami]

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Other City Business
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Miami has warned that with it’s lockdown having been in place for some time now, any thugs, hoodlums or street bosses found in the city limits will from now on be given no warning to leave. By now all non made family members should know the rules of Miami, anyone found in the city who shouldn’t be there will have immediate action taken against them.

[got a view on this issue, contact Venom Vixen, c/o Miami Prophet, Miami]

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ADVERTISEMENT

Miami Prophet competition - http://www.mafia.org/comm-readpost.php?street&id=8875

Closing date 18th April, winning story will be published in issue 6 on the 24th April.

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Lottery round up - Draw number 26 – 10rd April.

This weeks winning numbers were 6 15 28 37 46 47

There was 1 Winner this week taking away a pot of $6,937,500

Draw number 27 takes place on 17th April, be there or be square!

New - Recipe Of The Week
JuiceBoxHero

This week - Ginger Bread Biscotti

Makes 4 dozen

INGREDIENTS

1/3 cup vegetable oil

1 cup white sugar

3 eggs

1/4 cup molasses

2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour

1 cup whole wheat flour

1 tablespoon baking powder

1 1/2 tablespoons ground ginger

3/4 tablespoon ground cinnamon

1/2 tablespoon ground cloves

1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg

DIRECTIONS

Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F (190 degrees C). Grease a cookie sheet.

In a large bowl, mix together oil, sugar, eggs, and molasses. In another bowl, combine flours, baking powder, ginger, cinnamon, cloves, and nutmeg; mix into egg mixture to form a stiff dough.

Divide dough in half, and shape each half into a roll the length of the cookie. Place rolls on cookie sheet, and pat down to flatten the dough to 1/2 inch thickness.

Bake in preheated oven for 25 minutes. Remove from oven, and set aside to cool.

When cool enough to touch, cut into 1/2 inch thick diagonal slices. Place sliced biscotti on cookie sheet, and bake an additional 5 to 7 minutes on each side, or until toasted and crispy.

Dear Oompa

Got a problem? Need someone to talk to? Our very own Lady Oompa is always listening. Mail letters directly to OompaLoompa c/o The Miami Prophet.

Jokes Of The Week

A magazine reporter is travelling through a rainforest, in search of a fabled cannibalistic tribe. He falls into a trap, goes unconscious and wakes up tied to a stake with a fire burning slowly underneath him.

He cries out for help, and is answered by what is obviously one of the tribesmen, who informs him that he is going to be served as dinner to the leader of the tribe.

"But you don''t understand!" he cries, "You can''t do this to me! I''m an editor for the New Yorker magazine!"

"Ah," replies the tribesman, "Well look on the bright side. Soon you will be editor-in-chief!"

HOROSCOPES

By Tea Jenny

Aries ~ March 21-April 19: This week you feel as if something might be missing from your life, so what better time than now to go searching for what it is. Try new things this week and you’ll see a whole new side to yourself.

Taurus ~ April 20-May 20: Mar’s path is making you exceptionally temperamental this week, try not to let your bad mood make your judgement for you. Keep your cool this week and try to avoid any confrontations.

Gemini ~ May 21-June 21: A new person will make their way into your life this week, you may be weary at first but if you give them a chance you will see that first impressions aren’t always right. Keep an open mind and you may just make yourself a lifetime friend.

Cancer ~ June 22-July 22: An argument with a friend could spiral out of control this week, try to keep things in perspective. Is it worth letting such a small issue cause such great chaos?

Leo ~ July 23-August 22: You’ve been feeling a little down lately, it’s time to take a little time for yourself and get your head together. A short break and some time spent with a close friend could make the world of difference and have you facing life with a smile again.

Virgo ~ August 23-September 22: This week is perfect for asking tough questions and making sure that you get reasonable answers. Even if people think you're cranky, you still need to push, in fact, that just means you're on the right track!

Libra ~ Septmber 23-October 22: You should try to pull away, just a bit, from a family member or coworker who's on your nerves. It won't last long, unless you stay exposed to their behavior until you reach the breaking point.

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Scorpio ~ October 23 - November 21: Speak up and let your family know where you stand. Your peaceful energy should disarm them, especially if the issue on the table is contentious. Things can be resolved calmly, and quickly, too

Sagittarius ~ November 22-December 21: Sit down an important family member and talk over recent events, you should be able to communicate more clearly and they need to hear how you are doing.

Capricorn ~ December 22-January 19: Let someone else handle all the tiny details today -- you've got bigger fish to fry. Somehow, you need to get a handle on the long-range plans for your family pretty soon.

Aquarius ~ January 20-February 18: People are getting on your nerves this week, even those with whom you've got a special bond. You are just a wee bit out of sync with the rest of the world, but you're about to catch up in a big way!

Pisces ~ February 19-March 20: All you want is peace and people see that and respect it. That doesn't necessarily mean they'll stop fighting right away, but it does mean that it's a lot harder for them to keep the fur flying.

Those Who Have Passed This Week

have you lost a loved one? We print obituaries free of charge, the perfect way to say goodbye. Contact a member of our writing team for details.

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In loving memory of Death
Made Man of Las Vegas and member of ♱The Passion of Brian♱

Died suddenly on April 9th

Will be dearly missed by friends and family.

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In loving memory of FlipTewksBerry
Made man of Las Vegas and Loyal member of ♱The Passion of Brian♱

Died suddenly on April 10th

Family would like to thank all those who turned out to pay their respects.

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In loving memory of WireRopeII
Detroit Wise Guy and loyal member of "LaFratellanza Di Fratello"

Taken from us on April 10th

Family and friends would like to thank all those who sent cards and flowers, he will be dearly missed.

Readers Views.

Have an opinion on any of the current issues going on in our community? Want to express your views? Write to Venom Vixen, c/o The Miami Prophet.

Classifieds

Got a talent for writing? The Prophet is currently hiring Full Time, Part Time & Freelance journalists and columnists.

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Issue Five out 17th April.

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