The Mafia Gazette Issue 151
For All The News That Is News (E&OE)
Friday 4th April


VIOLENCE RETURNS TO LAS VEGAS
By Randle McMurphy

After a brief respite, violence returned to the streets of Las Vegas on Tuesday, with Gabriel, a Made Man under Jackie Giamatti, going rogue. He first fired his gun at his own boss, as he tucked himself up in bed for the night. When he did not succeed in his effort to kill his own leader, he turned his attention elsewhere.

Whilst serving a short stint in jail, he shanked to death fellow Las Vegas Goomba mojo, once again as he tucked himself up for a good nights sleep in his cell.

Shortly after, another Vegas resident joined the violence. Mob, seeing the attack on his lifelong friend and business associate Giamatti, stepped up to the plate and began a gun battle in the streets of Dallas with Gabriel. After the deaths of five bodyguards protecting the pair, Mob finally lay dead, and Gabriel was free once more to continue his bloodlust.

Stepping into the breach came LA boss Benji Lambo, who is rumoured to have then killed Gabriel in the same city of Dallas, before he could find another victim and disrupt the relatively peaceful West coast further. The hostility continued further at the funeral of Gabriel, with Giamatti unleashing a scathing outburst at his coffin. Many onlookers were visibly angered by the act, in which Giamatti is reported to have said that Gabriel was “a fucking disgrace”. Negativity at funerals is generally frowned upon greatly within the mafia community, and sources close to the leader were surprised to see this outburst from him.

One close friend had this to say about the situation: “He put a lot of trust in Gabe, it broke his heart when he went rogue. I know it’s no excuse for what happened at the funeral, but the guy was still in shock…” Las Vegas appears to be peaceful once again now, but for how long is anyone’s guess. This reporter is hoping it is quite a while until we see the streets run red in Vegas again.


DISASTER STRIKES NEW JERSEY
By Natatia

Caught in poor weather off the east coast, one of the largest US flying crafts crashed killing 73, leaving only 3 survivors. The helium filled dirigible, christened the USS Akron had been used for many things during her service. Most of her service was to the US Navy, including search and scouting. She had even been tried for experimental projects like flying aircraft carriers, carrying parasite fighters for reconnaissance.

After casting off her moorings, she headed toward the ocean to travel along the New England coast assisting in the calibration of radio direction finder stations. Due to bad weather that suddenly came up, which is common on the Atlantic Ocean, the ship was caught in winds and changes in pressures. These conditions caused the Akron to be uncontrollable and finally ended by crashing into the ocean. Of those losing their life, most died of drowning and hypothermia due to the fact that the crew didn’t have time to pass out life preservers. The size of the craft and the number of dead makes this the deadliest air crash of all time.


MR. MAFIA SEES FIRST HINTS OF SCANDAL
By Gazette Reporter

The Mr. Mafia contest, steeped in ego, yet relatively scandal-free so far, has taken a turn for the worse. Several of the contestants have been involved in backstage shenanigans that have been noticed by the free press, if not the judges (yet…). First to bring shame upon his own head was MadDog. Seen loitering around the men’s toilets just before he was due to go on stage, it was at first believed that he was involved in something that a Police officer described to me as ‘dogging’ (pardon the irony). Onlookers were shocked to see, however, that MadDog was not waiting around to engage in any sexual deviancy, he was in fact waiting for delivery of his answers. That’s right! MadDog has been paying an unknown writer to answer the questions posed by the judges for him, and deliver them to him right before the show. Rumour is now rife as to who the mystery writer could be, and security staff say they are close to figuring out the culprit.

The second scandal came when Mr. Squeaky clean himself, Oscar McVay, was seen hurling a sack-full of baby cats into a nearby trash can filled with water. Eye-witnesses reported hearing him cackle in an evil and menacing manner, before throwing the lid onto the trash can, sealing the poor kittens to their fate. A later search of his dressing room found several skinned puppies, and a box of clubbed baby seals. He may appear to be Mr. Do-no-wrong, but it would seem that Oscar McVay hides a cruel and hideous side to his personality, and should not be approached by anyone. Ever.

Gregoire de Fronsac. Need I say more? Needless to say, he is still declared as a ‘Person of interest’ to Police forces across the country, and is STILL not allowed within 100 yards of a women’s refuge or any orphanage.

It is strongly believed that Dirk Struan has been sending his son, Corben, to sneak peeks at the judges questions hours, even days, before they ask them. Although this cannot be confirmed at the time, Corben has now been declared a high-priority for security guards around the complex, and must be observed at all times.

Gaetano Badalamenti was seen entering the dressing room of fellow contestant Vincenzo Rottura, and eye-witnesses claimed to have seen very clearly that underneath his dressing gown he was wearing nothing but fishnet stockings and a pair of black high-heeled shoes. Moaning sounds were heard coming from the room for several minutes afterwards, followed by the distinct aroma of cigarette smoke. It is not known who was playing Postman, and who was being the Letterbox, but one of these gentlemen is quite clearly a, ahem, ‘fast worker’, and should be avoided at all costs.

Further controversy has been caused after contestant Randle McMurphy has been seen fraternising with ALL of the competition judges. Spotted wining and dining each and every member of the panel in turn, he has also been under investigation since several of the ladies were also seen exiting his dressing room in what can only be described as a dishevelled state only moments before going on stage to give their questions for the rounds. When asked for a comment on the situation, Mr. McMurphy simply smiled, and said “A gentlemen would never tell.”

It is not known how these scandals will affect the tournament, but it is believed that from now on both the contestants AND judges will be under a close guard by security.


THE COMMISSION: THE FULL STORY
By Randle McMurphy

Last week we brought you a brief piece on The Commission, but were unable to piece everything together due to time constraints. This week we have secured an exclusive interview with Gaetano Badalamenti, the man behind the street announcement to The Commission, its founder, and boss of Miami.

I started off by asking Mr. Badalamenti exactly who was involved in The Commission, as the details had been fairly vague in his street announcement, reeling off a list of the following names: Morrigan, Krazy Kripp, MoneyPenny, Vanity, Benji Lambo, oompaloompa, Jackie Giamatti, and of course, Gaetano himself. He responded by confirming that they were indeed all official members of The Commission. He remained tight-lipped as to whether they were the only members, but considering the number of influential people in our community who are not bosses, it is not unlikely that there are others.

Next I asked him to clarify the system of authorisation for new families to set up a little, as again it was fairly hazy in the street discussion. I asked him if The Commission would be voting on new auths, or whether individual members could make their own auths, and you just needed one of The Commission on-side, so to speak. He had this to say:

“The fine details regarding this are still being debated; but this will mainly apply to those wishing to set up a family in a currently vacant city. A simple voting system between the family leaders will determine the outcome.

If a current leader is happy with another family to setup in their currently inhabited city then that is purely their own decision. However we'd still expect them to inform the council not for approval but rather as a courtesy.”

I asked Gaetano who originally came up with the idea for this Commission, and he responded with the following:

“The original concept of the idea came from myself, having past relatives involved in similar projects I wanted to take an old idea and reinvent it completely. After discussing the concept with MoneyPenny and several other family leaders, the idea soon became a reality.”

We then went on to discuss his aims in putting The Commission together, to which he replied that he wanted to improve the quality of life across America. He also mentioned that he was looking to bring the ‘organised’ back into organised crime, stating that he didn’t feel it had been organised at all for many years now. He finished by saying that The Commission wanted to bring Mafia families better conditions and a safer environment to conduct business in through co-operation between families.

I then asked Mr. Badalamenti about the decision making process, and whether or not there was a ‘head’ of The Commission, in case they could not agree on something, and failed to come to a conclusive decision. He had the following to say:

"If a vote is cast and the outcome is locked in deadlock, then the matter will be discussed further to see if the issues surrounding the deadlock can be resolved. At this point if a verdict is still not reached the highest ranking mafia family official(s) (Currently MoneyPenny who holds the title of Boss) will cast the overturning vote.

However that said, as mentioned before The Commission is still young and issues such as this still need to be looked at; - in layman’s terms, we need to iron out the bugs as we go along."

I then asked him how he saw The Commission affecting his home city of Miami, and also asked how things were developing there since his takeover.

“"I don't see it affecting it greatly - It will add stability to Miami, but this is mainly due to improved communication with other leaders.

The Miami venture has been going from strength to strength - I truly believe that we are doing what is best for the city here. Over the last few months we've seen increased business revenue, the lowest crime time rate Miami has seen in years and also managed to completely change the city’s image – making it a much more desirable location to visit, for pleasure or business."

I then ended the interview by asking Mr. Badalamenti if there was anything else he would like to add, about The Commission, Miami, or just life in general. He ended on the following note:

“Joey Cusack unfortunately was admitted to hospital last night after an incident involving a set of handcuffs, a cucumber and his rectum. Apparently Joey Cusack was preparing an act for one of the later stages of the Mr. Mafia competition after hearing that Miss. MoneyPenny was a fan of Sadism and Masochism. I can't confirm what exactly happened to Mr. Cusack but we all wish him the very best and hope for a speedy recovery.”


BRITISH MAKE AVIATION HISTORY IN TIBET
By Natatia

A very special occurrence happened at Mt. Everest. Two British aircraft, Westland PV-3 and Westland PV-6 piloted by Squadron Leader the Marquis of Clydesdale and Flight Lt. David MacIntyre make the first flight over Mount Everest.

Mt. Everest, is part of the great Himalayan mountain range. The mountain range borders Nepal and Tibet in southern Asia. The mountain was named for Sir George Everest, the British surveyor general of India in 1865. Known as the highest mountain in the world, the highest point on Earth, makes the event a great triumph in aviation.


KILLINGS REDUCE AS ARMS EMBARGO CONTINUES
By Randle McMurphy

The arms dealer known only as “The Ammo Man” has been a fickle sort of late, holding the fate of our nation’s crime syndicates in his hands on more than one occasion. He has disappeared completely in the past, he has returned, only to sell bullets, and apparently not guns, and now, he has disappeared once again. The criminal element amongst us have been up in arms, figuratively speaking, as their business is now under threat. After all, a mobster without is gun is far less threatening to those he would wish to extort.

It is not known just how long the Ammo Man is going to have his strike last for this time, but what is for sure is that the level of killings appears to be dropping. Deaths are still occurring, of course, but at a much reduced rate to those which we have seen in the past.

Rumours suggest many of the major crime families have some reserves of guns and ammo left, but some of the smaller families across our nation are reportedly running dry. Whether or not this will lead to more vulnerable bosses being picked off, if it is found out that they are defenceless, it remains to be seen, but one thing is certain, you’d better conserve those bullets, mobsters, as you may just need to make them last a while.


HOROSCOPES
By Natatia

Looking for direction? Don’t know which way to turn? Mystic Natatia predicts what the week holds for you.

ARIES - March 21 to April 20
At last you know which direction you should take, perhaps with new people around you. You’ll feel more relaxed and settled as a result. Property matters are to therefore, so read all paperwork carefully. An invitation to dinner should be accepted – and you may meet someone new and exiting.

TAURUS - April 21 to May 20
Your interest in a new hobby or sport may be deepening and bring you in touch with other people on your level. You will be relieved at matters of a legal nature being cleared up. Anything to do with collectable items, car sales and looking in charity shops is well starred.

GEMINI - May 21 to June 20
An interesting time and rather a lively one! High finance will be under discussion, while promotion or a step up the ladder in other fields could be yours with perseverance and hard work.

CANCER - June 21 to July 20
You’re in an optimistic frame of mind and perhaps preparing to go on some wonderful trip quite soon. Some of you may have been spending money on your wardrobe or arms which will be worth the cost – even if you’re bank manager may disagree. A small flutter may pay big dividends.

LEO - July 21 to August 21
It’s a time of intense preparation, but in years to come you will look back and realize it was all worth the work put in. Discussions concerning property or finance could be going on and visiting a different town or country for some special reason is likely. Socially you are in big demand – cash in!

VIRGO - Aug 22 to Sept 22
The Eclipse that took place in your sign of Virgo may be now showing its effect, because it does take some weeks. Major changes could result in minor problems arising, but life is like a jigsaw puzzle and it all fits in when the time is right. Just be very patient regarding romance.

LIBRA - Sep 23 to Oct 22
A rather important time with many of you going away on a wonderful trip with a purpose. You could be meeting up with relations or friends you have not seen for many a moon. The single and fancy free may now be branching out and either getting their first home, having their first child or perhaps planning a wedding.

SCORPIO - Oct 23 to Nov 22
This could prove to be an eventful time in your life. You may be out and about socially, visiting places you have not been to before or taking breaks away. Joining forces with a new group of friends may introduce you to some new hobbies or interests. Having a turn-out could prove profitable.

SAGITTARIUS - Nov 23 to Dec 20
Correspondence is heavy, either by phone or mail. Most news will be good, though. You may now consider a new line of approach over business matters and nay be regretting some of the things you have done, but learning from past experience. Your overall luck changes for the better, so cheer up!

CAPRICORN - Dec 21 to Jan 19
There is some reorganization in your life and adaptation needed as a result. It may be that property matters are under discussion, or it could be in connection with your work. You may also be mixing with a new group of friends or colleagues.

AQUARIUS - Jan 20 to Feb 18
Your life is now a prelude to the early summer when some major happening is on the cards. Business meetings proceed well and you are in an optimistic frame of mind and ready for action. A nice outing this week will do you good, so relax and enjoy yourself – but take gossip with a pinch of salt.

PISCES - Feb 19 to Mar 20
People who matter will be helpful to you now and be interested in your welfare, so do not be afraid to get in touch or ask favours. Anything to do with the arts, music, theatre or radio is under good stars and money luck is in. Socially you are in demand and the star of a big local event.


ANNOUNCEMENTS/CLASSIFIEDS

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