The Mafia Gazette Issue 148
For All The News That Is News (E&OE)
Tuesday 18th March


ST. PATRICK’S DAY MASSACRE
By Randle McMurphy

The relative peace between the major families has broken down, seeing St. Patrick’s Day turn into a massacre in Miami. The first death of the day was Chicago Made Woman Anastasia, as reported in another article in this issue. It is not known if this death in any way influenced events last night, although it may just have been the catalyst which triggered the killing spree.

The violence began when NY Made Man Mocca killed Miami high-roller Mr_Pickles_II with a single shot after a bungled kidnap attempt from Pickles, sparking what has now turned into a war between the two cities. In the ensuing battle, Mocca came under fire from Capo Executioner, and Atlanta Made Man Mr_Accardi, eventually falling to a bullet from Executioner, after killing around 10 of the Capo’s bodyguards.

Amidst the furious wave of violence, the exact sequence of events are as yet unconfirmed, but the night’s shooting has resulted in the loss of two NY Made Men (Mocca and Rhymenocerous), two Wise Guy’s (KennedyShot and LedMan), and a Goomba (RobertMugabe). Miami suffered losses to the tune of one Capo (Executioner), one Made Man (Mr_Pickles_II), a Wise Guy (DiPaolo), and two Goomba’s (Justin_the_hammer and Mr_Salvatana). Atlanta eventually suffered the loss of Mr_Accardi, rumoured to have been killed by Oscar_McVay, although GaetanoBadalamenti was also seen in the area at the time. McVay and Badalamenti were seen earlier in the day, strolling up and down the beaches, believed to be ‘babe spotting’.

It is believed that tensions were running high after NY Earner HarryRadner was accused of killing Miami Wise Guy Ammoguy. Although the incident was never resolved, it is believed that threats were exchanged between the cities, and tempers began to flair. It is thought that Atlanta Made Man Mr_Accardi entered the fight of his own accord, and that the Atlanta families have since denied any direct involvement in the situation.

There have been multiple deaths since the bulk of the fighting ended, most appear to be ex-members of the Miami families, though both sides appear to still be suffering losses. Will this be the end of the bloodshed between the two cities? Highly unlikely, but with both sides suffering heavy losses in the St. Patrick’s Day Massacre, it will be some time before either are back to their previous strength again. More on this story as it develops.


BODYGUARD’S UNION CONSIDERS STRIKE ACTION
By Gazette Reporter

In a day that has seen the death of no less than twenty bodyguards, mostly in Miami, the Bodyguard’s Union have held crisis talks to discuss strike action. It is believed that the Union are no longer happy with the hazardous conditions their members are forced to work under, and are considering asking for a revised pay deal to include insurance for the families of the bodyguards should they meet their end whilst in the service.

The talks are likely to last most of the week, with Union action never being something that is resolved quickly. The Gazette would like to send it’s condolences to the families of all the bodyguards killed in today’s fighting, and will be putting together a collection for a memorial plaque to be fitted somewhere in downtown Miami. Any donations should be sent to Randle McMurphy, who will ensure they make it to the Bodyguard Memorial Fund.


CHICAGO MADE WOMAN DIES IN MIAMI
By Gazette Reporter

Chicago Made Woman Anastasia lost her life yesterday in Miami under mysterious circumstances. The city morgue has yet to confirm a cause of death, although they have not ruled out foul play. Eye-witnesses have stated that Miami Capo Executioner was seen in the area around the time her body was discovered, although it is not known if he was involved in her death. Also seen in the area was NY Made Man Mocca, once again, it is unknown whether or not he was involved in the tragic loss of life.

The former “Beep Beep” Made Woman had managed the Chicago bar district in recent times, first under Capo Puck, then under Leora, both with a fair degree of success. She also ran an immensely popular chocolate cocktail bar, The Chocolate Truffle. It is thought that this business will now pass into the hands of close friend TomoeGozen, although it is unknown whether or not it will remain open.

More on this story next issue, when the facts are established.

MORE DEATHS FOR VEGAS MOBSTERS
By Randle McMurphy

As Las Vegas sees one of its most bleak eras in history, yet another West coast high-ranker met his end on Saturday whilst visiting Chicago.

Loc, one of only two remaining Made Men in Las Vegas, was shot and killed whilst on a business trip to the Windy City, although the motive behind the killing is unknown. It is also not known if he even saw his attacker, although no bodyguards died in the gunfire, which would indicate a fairly concise kill.

The assassin is rumoured to be New Yorker GerryTradick, a Goomba under the family of DirkStruan. Though there is much mystery surrounding the killing, Gerry was seen to be loudly claiming the kill shortly after Loc’s death, a fact which appears to have angered his former boss, Struan.

An inside source in the New York family stated that Dirk had no knowledge of Gerry’s planned attack on the Vegas Made Man, and did not sanction it or condone it. The same source hinted that it may have been Dirk himself who pulled the trigger to end the life of his wayward member, Gerry, although this cannot be confirmed at this time.

The Struan crime family have chosen not to comment on the events, stating that they are honour-bound to keep their family business out of the public eye.

HOW MUCH MORE CAN WE TAKE?
By Natatia

Most of us remember the extreme changes in the late 20s and the losses involved. Must we wake each morning and wonder how we will care for our Family and loved ones? Well, according to the government, they claim to have everything under control.

The current depression that beset in the last decade right through until the present is unique in its size, capability and leaving the public with very few decent consequences. As the depth of the depression increases, one American worker in every four has been put out of job. Usually, these jobs are the only skills known to the worker. Although. In other countries unemployment the range is between fifteen percent and twenty-five percent of the labour force.

If this great industrial slump continues through it will shake the foundations of Western capitalism and the society based upon it. While in office Calvin Coolidge’s economic belief was that "The business of America is business." Despite the seeming business prosperity of the twenties, however, there were serious economic weak spots, a chief one being a depression in the agricultural sector. Also depressed were such industries as coal mining, railroads, and textiles. Throughout the last decade, U. S. banks had failed -an average of 600 per year- as had thousands of other business firms. By the late twenties the construction boom was over. The spectacular rise in prices on the Stock Market from 1924 to 1929 bore little relation to actual economic As all of this was happening about us, the one man who could have assist America and its people decided to retire and allow someone else clean up his mess.

As for this world of ours, it appears there are times when things are on the lean side, but as it always has been people find money for the drink and the cards. So it appears, those working in our world, whether it be a Family member or attractive dances, will have little problem from the projected difficulties for the near future.

MIAMI MADE IN MYSTERIOUS DEATH
By Gazette Reporter

Miami Made Man CostaDracos lost his life in Saturday, in a bizarre and unexplained death. Exact details are still unclear as to the final moments of the Miami boss, although it is rumoured that he managed to utter a few last words before he died.

“I always die by my own stupidity.”

This lead to a hive of speculation, from the old enemy of the Mafiosi, The Ammo Man, to the possibility of Costa dying whilst trying to bust a friend out of jail. One rumour, as yet unconfirmed, is that the Made had recently visited England, and had got used to looking the wrong way for traffic. Having returned to the US, he stepped out onto the road looking in the wrong direction, and met a sticky end thanks to an oncoming bus.

All that has currently been confirmed is that he died at 09:51 in Chicago on March 15th, a day which saw two Made Men lose their lives in the city. It is thought that his death is completely unconnected with that of Las Vegas Made Man Loc. More on this story as it develops.

MR MAFIA TO RETURN TO THE STREETS?
By Randle McMurphy

Rumour has it that the ladies of La Cosa Nostra are planning to reinvent the Mr Mafia competition, and return it soon to the streets of our fine nation. The current Mr. Mafia, me, is looking forward to the event. Even if it means passing on my crown to a younger model, it is always good to see the effort and enthusiasm put into the whole competition.

Although exact timescales and details are not known at this time, more will follow on this upcoming event in the next issue. Until then folks, sit tight, and get ready for a good show.

HELPING THE HOBOS
By Natatia

It appears that GaetanoBadalamenti has found a calling from deep within his heart to help the masses of people, who cannot find at least one hot meal and/or a warm place to rest their heads. Fairly quickly, the gentleman pulled out his soap box. After a brief pause GaetanoBadalamenti began his heart felt speech:

During this deep, well prepared speech, pointed out that very little has been done to assist those without homes. Of course there is a difference between those strewn into the streets by foul, rude landlords and those whose lifestyle includes finding a new place to sleep each night and a different refuse container to obtain a meal. The slow start to the speech had people wandering off or going back to their reading. Noticing, he wasn’t getting through, GaetanoBadalamenti raised his voice and stood eye to eye with many in the crowd as he continued, "I am part of a new campaign that is proposing that in two days we host a 'Help the homeless' day. For too long the middle and upper class people of our cities have simply ignored petty thieves or even in certain cases - we've shot or had them shot!"

Once again, folks turned momentarily, but basically continued with their task at hand. Since the stock market crash sent families into the streets, people flying out of windows, and individuals eating the end of the gun, the public in whole have gotten complacent concerning their fellow mankind, especially those living and eating off the streets. With one last ditched effort, GaetanoBadalamenti slammed his first down on the table and shouted, "This is barbaric behaviour - these 'muggers' are surely just crying out for attention? And I am sure their crimes are an annoyance but could someone explain to me how petty thievery is punishable by death?"

Taking hold of some nicely dressed ladies and a few men in silk suits, he dragged them around to take a look around the street as he continued his crusade, "Did not most of you Mafioso start in the gutter as well? Do you know no shame in killing those who are doing the same thing you once had to do! I propose that in two days we have a day where no mugger shall be shot - instead send them a bit of money and a stern message, offering help and guidance"

Pausing only long enough to take hold of a guttersnipe, GaetanoBadalamenti continued to preach to those he had gathered about him, “Take this case for instance - twenty nine year old Tarby, doesn't wash and eats out of bins, he was shot for mugging a famous member of the mafia of $50! Any Questions? And Thank You for your time"

DEATH OF AN EDITOR
By Natatia

As many have discovered, our beloved Skye is no longer with us. She was best known for being the Editor of the Mafia Gazette and other worthwhile publications. Shortly after publishing the latest volume, Skye was headed out to complete more research on a few stories she was planning for the next issue.

Arriving at her vehicle, she carefully peered around to insure she was alone. Taking a deep breath, she unlocked the door and slid into the driver’s side. Skye, then, neatly placed all the folders and her briefcase on the seat next to her. She turned the key only to allow the battery power illuminate the dashboard and radio. After adjusting the radio, Skye took one last look around her, then finally a check on her hair and lipstick.

She reached down and turned the motor over without any strange noises or lack of. The engine purred like a content cat as Skye eased her into gear and headed out of the parking lot. Skye was heard to have been singing along with the radio when she pressed down on the accelerator to beat a red light. As the car accelerated it exploded into at least seven different pieces of twisted metal and piles of burning fabric. Skye was raced down to the local hospital only to be declared dead on arrival. May the former Editor and friend rest in peace.


DETROIT AND NY CLASH OVER RANDOM KILLING
By Gazette Reporter

Detroit Made Man Azureal lost his life on the 12th March after heading to New York to take revenge upon ClydeBarrow (WG) for the killing of Monoxide_Child, a Detroit Capo. The NY Wise Guy lost a bodyguard immediately as Azureal entered the fight, and fled the scene to Atlanta. Once there, Azureal found himself facing not only Clyde, but Ratty (WG) and The_Spleen (Earner) too. After killing the two latter entrants to the gunfight, Azureal finished his target, ClydeBarrow, after killing three more of his bodyguards.

Shortly after completing his mission, Azureal found himself in a gunfight with GaetanoBadalamenti, one that lasted quite some time. Eventually, Azureal was sentenced to an hour in the local penitentiary, where Gaetano found him in the showers, and finished the fight. Azureal died in the Atlanta jail. Nobody from the penal system was available to comment at the time of going to press, although it is thought that deaths in custody amongst mobsters are not an uncommon occurrence.


IN OTHER NEWS

Detroit Made Man RoccoVerde lost his life today after firing upon New York Earner Radio. It is not known why he shot at the visiting mobster, only that he was killed in self-defense in his home city of Detroit. It is not believed at this time that any revenge attacks are planned, from either side. It appears to be an isolated incident that has since been dealt with in the proper manner.


A NOTE FROM THE EDITOR
By Randle McMurphy

Hello folks,

And welcome to my second edition of The Mafia Gazette. Sorry I didn’t get a chance to introduce myself in the first one, there were still a few details being ironed out, and it didn’t feel appropriate.

I’d like to start by introducing The Gazette’s new Managing Reporter, Natatia, who will be keeping tabs on all of my lovely journalists, and making sure all their articles are up to standard. If you have a Gazette-related issue, and I’m not around, she’s the person to turn to.

I’m hoping to get out a copy of The Gazette 2-3 times a week, obviously depending on news to report, and journalists to submit stories. We will have to wait and see over the next few weeks, but hopefully we’ll get ourselves into a nice routine quickly, I know you have all been very patient with The Gazette recently, and that news hasn’t been quick to come off the presses.

Hopefully though, that is behind us now, and we can all enjoy making and reading the news once again.

Regards,
Randle McMurphy
Editor

CLASSIFIEDS/ANNOUNCEMENTS

The Mafia Gazette is now recruiting! Think you have what it takes to become a journalist for the country’s top newspaper? Contact Randle McMurphy or Natatia, and sell yourself to them. Competitive rates of pay, and all the biscuits you can eat, ensure a happy worker.

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The Miami Alliance has announced a lock down to all thugs and hoodlums. Anyone who is not a Gangster, or affiliated with a Miami crew will be asked to leave. Random mugging and shooting shall not be tolerated either. Warnings will be given to visitors, but not muggers or shooters. Those who do not comply with the rules of Miami will be shot. This decision was made with the safety and prosperity of Miami in mind.

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WANTED! Obituaries co-ordinator. Apply to Randle McMurphy or Natatia for further details.

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