WACKED!™ - Volume 1.5

- Like a night with Randle, without the shame after your finished...

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THE MADE MEN HAVE ARRIVED! - The mafia world celebrates on both coasts as Los Angeles and Miami welcome their new MadeMen.

By William Orally
Sponsored By: Tie
Sponsor Link: mIRC Channel #tie
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Late last night on January 29th Mr. Jownes of Miami and Mr. Megatron of Los Angeles became the first MadeMen following the return to our shores in the aftermath of Hurricane Jesspre, which left our civilization in a state of ruins for several months.
Their arrival also heralds the beginning of possibly a new era for the community with the gap between the have and the have nots or the east and west slowly closing these two men stand at an unprecedented point in the affairs of our community and their actions will undoubtedly determine what course if any future leaders will take.

In a gesture of goodwill Mr. Jownes extended the first olive branch to the west during our interview "while no dialogue currently exists between us I would like to take this opportunity to respectfully congratulate Megatron on his achievement"

When asked how his new status effected the relationship between him and the Rainbow Coalition or as it has become known in some circles as the Miami 7 Mr. Jownes made it perfectly clear that he is still a committed member of the coalition stating "We operate as a democracy, I do not see myself as better than any of my associates: and went on to add that he does not feel power is necessarily proportionate to rank.

With the continued deterioration of the former eastern defacto capital city of New York Mr. Jownes made the following statement on behalf of the city of Miami "We recognize the turmoil surrounding the situation in New York and have no current plans to involve ourselves in that struggle"

It is unknown however if the city of New York shares in Mr. Jownes's non-interference policy and no spokesmen for the city could be reached for further comment.

Mr. Megatron unfortunately did not meet the print deadline for this volume so we have added his interview in the full-unedited (unspell checked) version below.

Wacked!™: Well let’s start with what your vision for LA in particular is.

Megatron: plans for LA are quite futuristic to be honest.
There´s much to do within our organisation, we will have to see to control the harbor area before thinking about a whole city...
I am still constructing the warehouse, and setting up organisation and structure, my main goals within that are to make sure everyone of our members fits the standards, for example funeral disrespect will certainly not be tolerated anymore, everyone needs to know how to conduct himself in public if they want to continue to work with me..

Wacked!™: What do you feel your role as a family is in regional affairs?

Megatron: I am a diplomatic type of guy.
I prefer to talk to people who might have a problem with us.
I don´t know, I feel the recent shootings could easily have been avoided.
I didn´t see any business endangered so not really a need to open fire on neither side.
In my opinion it is business first, money making is the highest goal for us mafiosi, blood is bad for business, you know, you can´t get money off a dead man.

Concerning the "capital of the region" situation for LA, I don´t see myself as the ultimate power here, LA and LV as you will know always work together closely, and we make most desicions together.

Wacked!™: Mr. Jownes of Miami became Made also last night near the time of your promotion, any words for him?

Megatron: I saw that, didn´t have the chance to congratulate him yet, but I am happy for him and his organisation, wish them all the best in beautiful Miami.

Wacked!™: Do you have any warnings youd like to issue for the repeated attacks from NY?

Megatron: I´d not say a warning, maybe more a call to sit down should any problems occure and talk them out before pulling the trigger.
I mean looking at the obits, how many good men died on both sides makes me really sad, wishing it had not come that far.

We would like to thank both Mr. Jownes and Mr. Megatron for their time.

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TROUBLE IN PARADISE (Part I) - The mafia world celebrates on both coasts as Los Angeles and Miami welcome their new MadeMen.

By Acme Offjay
Sponsored By: The Adopt a Tard Program
Sponsor Link: Not Available Yet
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On January 26th at 7:30pm Mafia Standard Time Mr. Coochie of New York under the direction of prominent Chicago citizen MadDog landed at Miami International to settle the growing rift between Miami and the political and economic interests of the greater eastern region. His meeting with Mr. Albert-Anastasia, noted Birilli Centrali di Vicinato StreetBoss and member of the "Miami Alliance" or as it has become known in some circles the "Rainbow Coalition" was to be brief and to the point. Having arrived at the designated meeting area inside a small swanky nightclub he waited for nearly a half hour before the boisterous and rather annoying man arrived and wasted no time in fulfilling the duties for which he was hired.
The dancing masses scattered as shots rang out from the balcony but the first bullet only grazed Mr. Anastasias left arm, the wounded Albert leaped for the door but was terrified to discover it had been locked, from the outside.
Albert ran to the nearest cover, which was only a small table near the exit but was enough to deflect Mr. Coochies next shot.
Reaching for his pistol Anastasia realized that he had left his bullets in the car, with no ammunition and thus no defense Albert made one final pathetic stand, hurling a glass vase at the balcony, unfortunately the glass shards rained back down on the confused and bewildered man, a small fragment puncturing his eye, as Albert wandered now blinded looking for something to hold onto the sound of laughter filled the hall, spinning wildly in rage Albert fell face first into the bar breaking his nose, with blood pouring profusely from Mr. Anastasia Mr. Coochie calmly walked down the stairs lighting a cigarette as he neared the bottom watching the hysterical sight before him a woman who has chosen to remain nameless hiding in a nearby closet overheard the last few moments of Mr. Anastasias life. "I hear hell is a beautiful place this time of year, be sure to send me a postcard" With those chilling words Mr. Coochie pressed against the trigger delivering the fatal shot between the eyes.

The bartender reported Mr. Coochie casually ordered a drink, before walking out.

Addition:

MobWorld Media obtained the following communication intercept through the Mafia Security Agency prior from Mr_Pickles to Mr. Coochie:
________________________________

From: Mr_Pickles

Sent: 2008-01-29 04:20
You are not feared. What part of STAY OUT OF MIAMI is the confusing part? And, if you're so confident in your abilities to come and go as you please, why did you come back under the safety of citizen? It is true he was an idiot in the streets. BUT, you came to Miami, and killed one of our street bosses. We can't just turn a blind eye to this. We asked you stay out of Miami. You did not. This makes us unhappy. *

Shockingly Mr_Pickles refers to his associate as an "idiot" showing his true colors in what was assumed to be a confidential exchange, how will this betrayal effect Mr_Pickles children and his standing in the Rainbow Coalition? Time will only tell.

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***TAKEN OUT OF CONTEXT***

Here’s is just a fraction of what your missing without IRC

Note from the Editor: Swear to god not even we could make these one liners up.
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i found a padded shirt ho

one time i came on irc

I will be the greatest leader of all time

wat do u say pretty cheap and worthwile

you were one of the only ones i could think who had alot of the site wishing you were dead

You is a gay traitor

i will never speak to you following my grilling of you

you got cake?

play .org and PS fulltime

Connor molested me

Tie! Define what is real.

Eep is a chick?

Someone touch me, quick

You could have asked. Now all you have done is piss me off.

But I expected you to fucking sit still whilst we shot and killed you

You're not totally heterosexual?

Download mIRC today and put it all into context!

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TROUBLE IN PARADISE (Part II) - Disagreement leads to the death of a StreetBoss and member of the Rainbow Coalition.

By Amelto_Kay
Sponsored By: Bell

Sponsor Link: mIRC Channel #mafia.org
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Only moments after we concluded our one on one interview with Jownes his associate and long time ally and fellow Rainbow Coalition member Mr_Pickles perhaps best known for founding Garbage Media Inc. publishers of "The Tabloid" was found lying in a pool of his own blood outside his Miami headquarters.
We arrived on the scene nearly an hour before paramedics so we pronounced him dead. His chest, which was an abnormal size for a man of his small stature, was riddled with bullet holes.
We spoke to several neighbors that all claimed Mr_Pickles had been acting strange lately, out of place or perhaps out of league we are not entirely sure. Neighbors reported that only hours earlier he was seen in a heated argument with Miami StreetBoss Cerberus "It was really odd he kept waving a rainbow flag around in the air while he was yelling but I couldn't make out what he was saying" said one neighbor.

We were able to track Mr. Cerberus down at his rather luxurious estate along Miami Beach, after being warmly greeted at the door by one of his associates they ushered us into an impressive office, and only kept us waiting a few sends before Mr. Cerberus himself walked in closing the door behind him, he offered us a drink before taking a seat behind his desk "So what can I do for you folks?"

We cut to the chase and asked if he was the one that had indeed taken the life of Garbage Media Inc. CEO Mr_Pickles, a tall stoned face man stepped forward from behind the desk and handed us a note, "My attorney has prepared a statement for the media, if you will excuse me I have business to attend to" Mr. Cerberus left the room as his attorney saw us to the door.

In the note Mr. Cerberus made the following statement "I am deeply sorry that i had to resort to this kind of action. Violence is the last act of a desperate man and i believe that i had no choice. I recently set up my HQ in Miami and introduced myself to the local SB's. I gave them my word that my intentions were honorable and that I supported the blanket ban on mugging. This was met with an "order" to leave the city. For obvious, honor related reasons i was unable to oblige these pretenders to a non-existent throne. Mr_Pickles, in his arrogant way pushed me by his lack of compromise. Therefore, regrettably I had to do the deed." Sign Cerberus

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***SHAMELESS SELF PROMOTION***
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I Wacked! a girls brains out all night once.... it was a bloody affair...

~ Rob

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NEU MAFIA R-TARD AWARD

Sponsored By: The Not So Retarded

Sponsor Link: www.mafia.org
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This week’s recipient of the NeuMafia R-Tard award is presented to a woman of unknown stature and assumed mental disabilities.
This lovely young cock-eyed beast hailing from the streets of Dallas with a whopping stat check of 3 posts, 1 thread and what I’m sure are pathetic whoring attempts in 194 MobMails felt she had earned the right to purchase an HQ with no qualifications, no contacts, and no brains.

Congratulations Hallie_Lynn you’re the proud owner of this weeks NeuMafia R-Tard Award.

It wasn’t bad enough the first decision she made as leader was use her powers of incredible innovation by naming her crew... wait for it... "Hallie_Lynn's Crew" which undoubtedly led to her handing out little pins for all 3 of her hoodlums that say in bright colors "I work for Hallie_Lynn"

Tard Profile Link: http://www.mafia.org/profile.php?id=61351

In addition to receiving this prestigious award we are pleased to offer $10,000... to the person that puts you out of your misery.

Note: The successful tard hunter may collect Money from a Wacked! Authorized banker. See Ambiguous_Mafia_Name for details.

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TROUBLE IN PARADISE (Part III) - The first act of a MadeMan could be his last.

By Omey Blay
Sponsored By: Dear Vanity - Advice cafes in a city near you.

Sponsor Link: http://www.mafia.org/comm-cityreadpost.php?city&id=6002
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As our staff was leaving the residence of Mr. Cerberus our reporter on the scene Mr. Omey Blay noticed a large black limousine with small rainbow flags on each side of the hood fluttering in the wind as it pulled up to the front door we had just walked out of. A familiar face emerged from the rear door, the same gentleman we had originally came to Miami to interview new Miami MadeMan Jownes.

We hid in what turned out to be thorn bushes to see if we could see anything happening. As was reported earlier Mr. Cerberus was responsible for the death of Mr. Jownes associate StreetBoss and CEO of the all but defunct trash publication "The Tabloid" only a couple hours earlier.

The driver remained outside holding the door open and in a few minutes the sound of gunfire rang through the yard. Mr. Jownes merged from the front door and climbed back into his limousine, we waited for another few minutes before running back into the residence to find Mr. Cerberus leaning against a column holding onto his upper abdomen, we attempted to contact the NMO Medical Clinic, however the receptionist was unable to figure out how to use the phone and we were disconnected.
We looked on helplessly as Mr. Cerberus took his final breaths he muttered a few words "At least I have my honor"

Indeed Mr. Cerberus did die with honor and chose not to give into the temper tantrum demands of the Rainbow Coalition.

So it is with great regret that we must report the first official duty of Mr. Jownes as the first east coast MadeMan was to ignore diplomatic options as his associate Mr_Pickles did and murder a man for standing up against tyrannical injustice.

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Publication Note: Due to the demographics of our reader base the Mafia Communication Commission (MCC) has demanded that we cease our current marketing campaign which MCC Director Mr. Carcass described as "sexually suggestive" immediately and should issue a public apology to all offended parties.
Mr. Romulus chairman of MobWorld Media Inc. (Wacked! Magazine's parent company) replied with the following letter,
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"Dear Mr. Carcass,

In response to your letter dated January 25th demanding us to cease our national marketing campaign,

Kiss my ass.

Sincerely,
Romulus
Chairman MobWorld Media Inc.
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The Wacked! List

The Wacked! List - Is someone interfering with your modus operandi? Perhaps an ex that just wont let things go because you gave her an STD caused from a one-night stand with a less than impressive member of the same (possibly opposite) sex? The Wacked! List allows you to place hits on these agents of annoyance and the comfort of doing business with a trusted name in media.
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Target Name: Megatron
Target Rank: MadeMan
Target Affiliation: LaFratellanza Di Fratello
Hit Sponsored By: (Anonymous)
Reward: $1,000,000
Reason: None Given
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Target Name: Hallie_Lynn
Target Rank: StreetBoss
Target Affiliation: Hallie_Lynn's Crew
Hit Sponsored By: Wacked! Magazine
Reward: $10,000
Reason: She named her crew "the Hallie_Lynn crew" do we really need a better one?

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©2008 MobWorld Media Inc.

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