New York Times Issue 25

New York Times Crowned the People’s Paper

The New York Times has always considered itself to be the people’s paper delivering the people’s news at the people’s prices, and this was confirmed earlier in the week when the Peoples’ Choice awards for papers were announced. Mr. Valentine removed his Tribune from the competition and voted for the NY Times, as did other prominent members of society. The main competitors were the NY Times and the new look Gazette under Totally Guitarded; an editor who has struggled to produce the quality and quantity of issues required. In a typically close vote the NY Times managed to snatch victory in the end though respect for the Gazette was still there because of the history of the paper, rather than the current standard of delivery.


"Well, I did expect it to be a close fight between The Mafia Gazette and The New York Times… But the people have spoken and I was happy about the result. The NY Times really deserves to win." - LeDiablo

We at the NY Times are delighted to achieve this award and will continue to bring you up to date information and news from around the country. Thank you to all who voted for us, and for all of you who didn’t vote G.A.Y.

Paradox removed

The Atremo and Silent Breed families mourn the losses of front men Serge 'Bill' DeLuca and Paradox, after a bloody miscommunication that ended in both men dead. It all began with Paradox accusing Bill of the murder of a Silent Breed member, a deed which Bill had not done. Mails were shared between the men and attempts at solving things in a civilised manner seemed likely, before a shot rang out, and a bodyguard of Paradoxs lay dead. Hastily, Paradox quickly fired upon Bill, without bothering to check his options. A few more bodyguards fell before Paradox's fatal bullet ended the Atremo leaders life. However, the shots on Paradox didn't stop with the death of Serge 'Bill' DeLuca. Paradox had been wrong.

Paradox's bodyguards continued to fall by the minute and in an attempt to flee his assailant, Paradox took the first flight to Los Angeles, a city under lockdown. Word on the street is that the gunman stopped there, unwilling to follow the Silent Breed leader to the lockdowned city, hinting that the gunman wasn't a member of any LA/LV crime family. However, an angered friend of Bill, Revelation, followed Paradox to LA where he ended the Denver leader’s life. The Priminister then murdered Revelation on terms of the LA lockdown.

Paradox's attacker was identified at the scene; however, his unwillingness to follow Paradox to LA could prove that he is not a member of any of the lockdowned families.


And then there were eight...
By Knox

The Independance day hangover was being felt heavily this weekend in the cities of Denver and Chicago as the mid-west Mafia and America at large awoke to news reports of renewed violence that will no doubt have taken some by surprise and leave many trying to make sense of it all.

Regular readers of the New York Times might cast their minds back to late June and issue 17 in which, at the time of going to press, nine Mafia Families and their alleged Bosses across nine cities had been identified in an article. By the time issue 19 hit newspaper stands across the country, this number had increased to ten, with up and coming Mafia soldier Paradox reportedly having received permission from MrValentine to branch off and form The Silent Breed in Denver.

Yet the murky and unpredictable Underworld and its perpetually shifting goal-posts never ceases to deliver the unpredictable. By the early morning of the sixth of July, two family heads had been assassinated, which along with a change of key personnel in Chicago, left just eight existing families standing.

With the Chicago and Denver Police Departments respectively having yet to confirm the details other than press releases confirming that a total of four senior Mafia members have been shot dead in the last four days along with an unconfirmed number of bodyguards and enforcers, the more serious question is what the aftermath of this violence will bring. Authorities privately speculate that a bloody war of succession, while unlikely, remains a possibility. And in a tragic twist, the New York Times can reveal that timing alone may have significantly contributed to the bloody events that followed.

It was long accepted that The Meggio Mob in Chicago was due a change at the top. The open secret as told by paid-up informers and Underworld insiders was that Boss Portia was shifting to Las Vegas in a move seen by many as a retirement from leadership to focus on legimate interests, of which the Lottery service is one.

Under these circumstances and with the future of Chicago outlined but not yet concrete, the assassination on the 2nd of July of Chicago Wise Guy Marguerite in a paid hit probably couldn't have come at a worse time. With Portia now working directly under MrValentine and essentially no longer in charge of Meggio Mob affairs, it was left to new Boss Dario_Castelletti to decide upon a suitable response. Unfortunately for Chicago the retaliation taken by Castelletti was of a personal nature, involving a botched attempt on the life of the paid hitter, Redd_Foxx, that resulted in Castelletti being shot dead, plunging Chicago into chaos. Although is is privately speculated that the timing of the Marguerite hit may have been a deliberate ploy on the part of the paymasters to take advantage of the transition in Chicago, no-one could have predicted the impact that this killing would have on that transition. And although the influence of Atlanta Mafia soldier MagicalTrevor in the events that followed is purely speculation at this point, it will take many days for the exact nature of Atremo involvement in the follow-up to be established.

What is known is that Serge "Bill" De Luca was shot dead in Atlanta, with the trigger man reported to be none other than Silent Breed Boss Paradox. In the gun battle that followed, Paradox was himself shot down in Los Angeles, the city locked down and under the control of Pirates enforcer LaMadrina. DeLuca was a popular and influential member of Atremo and the retaliation that followed his death clearly sent a message. Even in days of comparative peace, the assassination of a Family Head is not an action to be contemplated lightly and all involved will likely be looking over their collective shoulders in the coming days.

The entire episode leaves many questions and possibilities. Paradox entering Los Angeles will likely be viewed as a defensive move, perhaps hoping to seek protection there under a lock-down controlled and maintained by the western powers who sponsored his move into Denver. The breaching of this lockdown to kill the Denver Boss may also prove to be an issue, with any response likely to depend on how the situation is viewed by the West Coast Mafia. Paradox himself was a largely respected figure within the Mafia, but it will not go unnoticed that even in his brief tenure as Denver Boss, he had managed to make enemies. Although rumoured to have complained of disrespect towards himself and his family at a meeting in the days leading up to his death, Paradox had made a perceived mistake in his support of payed hits, a stance that may have been motivated by his support for his own family enforcer Redd_Foxx. The stance was a very public break from precedent for the Denver family, in a world in which no forum currently exists for payed hits among the families and in which the issue is never publically discussed by the other eight families.

The future of Denver itself is again highly likely to be decided by MrValentine, in a precent set by ASDA Consigliere T1fa, who asserted the right to appoint families in Denver as part of a territorial agreement drawn up with Albert-Neri and the Conceptualists in Atlanta and New York. Although the move back then met with opposition, MrValentines own authorisations have been unopposed thus far and his firm grip on the west coast is likely to see this situation continue for the forseeable future. The front-runners for a possible slot in Denver are numerous, with the spot likely to be taken by Vegas Captains and Bosses Cherry, Leon-Gants, JBauer or GuiseppeGenco. A move by Redd_Foxx to stay there as Boss of Silent Breed likewise cannot be ruled out should he gain the support. Any outstanding issues over the Paradox hit are likely to be ironed out before a decision on Denver will be forthcoming.

The FBI privately admits even at this early stage that Chicago is the mixed bag of the two. A large city, notoriously difficult to control, it is likely that the contribution of former Meggio Boss Portia in stablising the city may come to be fully recognised in due course. AWDF in Miami have the personnel to make a move into the windy city with Captain Sab a possibility, but with their own misfortunes in recent months, expansion is privately considered unlikely. The Dallas mob does not have the power or influence to settle the city, while Atremo and the Outsiders are also unlikely to make a move. Any expansion from Atlanta will likely come from Outsiders Boss Wes_The_Bull, but having authorised Atremo in his home city, his existing commitments may out-weigh his ability to take on more. Expansion from either New York or Detroit is more likely and with Franchetti Imports Boss Aldo DePalma having long standing links to Chicago and Underboss Anthony Casso already running a headquarters for the company in New York, Chicago may become home to another branch of the New York family. The only obstacle would be the recent losses the family have suffered. With three Made soldiers killed in a short period of time, the desire to extend their borders may not be there. The Priesthood are also likely to want a piece of the action. Like New York, they share a close proximity with Chicago and more importantly, they have the people. Long-standing family Captain Paola could make the move, but privately is unlikely to do so. MrSmoke has gained respect in the Underworld for his leadership in Detroit and any move towards Chicago would likely be received well. One potential mark against such a move would be long-standing PriestHood soldier TonyRomano, whis is privately reported to be opposed to any break up of the family.

As events unfold in the coming days, time will change speculation to fact and the New York Times will have a full report on what will follow the Independance Day wars.

Capo dies in unfortunate incident

The afternoon of July the 7th saw the unfortunate demise of a Priesthood member and Capo, Paola at the hands of a New York hoodlum with affiliations with Atremo. The exact reasons for the skirmish are unknown with Mr. Long at the time of the incident claiming he had been attacked first in an incident involving a bar in the area that needed renovating. From his point of view Zimbabwe attacked him first and after a few botched attempts on his life asked Capo Paola to intervene. This led to the loss of her life following a wound received attempting to kidnap Mr. Long before he proceeded to shoot her stone cold dead the scene.

The battle recommenced in Dallas where Mr. Long was eventually murdered. His funeral was littered with mourners, but also greeted with a disrespectful comment from Detroit’s leader before he returned to apologize to all those gathered in attendance.

Paola summed it up best in her last words when she said; “What a waste”. This was an incident that could easily have been avoided and sorted diplomatically.


When shit hits the fan…
By Odd Thomas

Good afternoon dear readers. I welcome you to the first of my columns. This week I shall be musing over an issue that will at one time or another affect us all. There is no hiding from this particular beast, only different ways to tackle it. The old chestnut I am going to be rambling on about is ‘When shit hits the fan’.

The point at which "the shit hits the fan" is the point at which an already unstable situation devolves into utter chaos, often in spite of--or even due to--a higher authority's attempt to control it.

We will have all been there at one point or another; there are in my opinion only 2 viable options when shit hits the fan. Shoot wildly into the dark and hope sooner or later you will hit something evil, or cower like a scared child.

I personally prefer option one. That probably explains why I live up in the hills in what my neighbours describe as a fortified shack. It would also explain why I hoard bullets. Thousands of the dam things, lets face it when your lights go out and the night is silent and you hear footsteps outside your house the first thing you reach for is the bullets. Oh and the guns…Lots of guns. Anyway enough of this tangent onto the issue at hand.

For good or for ill shit will hit the fan at some stage for all of us, be it the psychopathic ammo dealer, the dam cops locking you up for 3 hours on some chickenshit charge or a rival family deciding to ‘put you out of business’

The shit hit the fan for a friend of mine a few days back, a friendly old dope fiend named Gabriel. Apparently he was trying to score in down town Chicago, the next thing he knew some masked attacker was trying to shove him into the back of his car. Poor old Gabriel was a peaceful creature never held a gun in his life apparently. Look at him now the poor bastard is stuck with the bill to clean his heavily soiled trousers and the attacker gets away without so much as a scratch.

How could poor weak Gabriel have improved his situation? Had he been packing heat I imagine he would have squeezed off a few rounds in the general direction of his attacker sure some might have hit, but to be honest I don’t fancy the chances of an elderly dope fiend up against one of these modern made hoodlums. Maybe by his lack of retaliation and by cowering like a dog Gabriel actually improved his chances. I mean it’s certainly worked for a few well known people around here. I once heard that the mere sound of a car backfiring had certain well known Consigliere running for the airport…

On the flip side of the coin I have heard of a few ballzy young turks around here wont hesitate to pull the old pistola out and fire off a few for so much as a awkward look from a stranger. These hoodlums seem to have a shorter lifespan than most of us but heh when they go out they go out with a bang.

For this week that’s it dear readers. There has been absolutely no central argument to this rant at all. All I urge you to do is consider what the fuck you would do when shit hits the fan…

Auntie Agnes’s Problem Page

Agnes, I’ve recently discovered I’ve gotten a new job, in this job people will be throwing faeces at me, urinating on me and I may have to give some large men a pat down, in truth, it excites me but I can’t tell anyone. Dark Soul

I cant figure out what this new job is Mr. Soul, either a prison guard or a Liverpool player I’d guess, Either way, telling me was the first step in coming out with it all. Agnes

Dear Agnes, everyone hates me, I’m not all that sure why. I’m not making it up, people tell me they hate me all the time, people I know, strangers, everyone. What should I do? Machiavelli.

Well Mach, I hate you too, it’s because you’re a C.U.N.T. Agnes

Dear Agnes, recently I find myself becoming increasingly paranoid, everywhere I look, everywhere I turn, I’m sure people are coming to get me, I don’t really know when it started, it’s been like this forever. Actually… maybe you’re coming to get me to, that’s it. I refuse to write my name on this letter.

Well, there isn’t to much I can do to help you here son, Ol’ Auntie Agnes can’t help those like you, all I can recommend is a few days away from the moonshine. Agnes.

A Note from the ‘Peoples Paper’:

We’d like to thank you all for reading this publication. We look forward to printing more and more news for you.

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